Wow - So I like I missed a week. Jeez, that's a first, for me at least.
Now I would like to tell you what I did last weekend. Really I would, most of it took place at the Ren Fest camp grounds - yes DJ finally decided I was ready. Honestly it was a bit slow, well most of the first night, then the fun stuff kicked in and that's where this ends.
Speaking of ending, My health Insurance has been canceled... yeah, so now the job search has moved into a more 'critical' category. I'm about to start at Target, pending drug test. Of course it's temporary, of course they don't know that yet. The catch is, I'm working in the bakery - or will be - and it's nothing compared to what Russell was heading towards, but still :[ - I'll be fine, yeah it's temporary... I hope. I now have skills in almost every program that falls under the Microsoft Office title, and that includes Data Entry, so maybe that will help speed things along. Also I may be picking up a few random jobs filling in as a makeshift Photography Helper thingy. Spent all day last Sunday going from on end of Six Flags Astroworld to the other, again and again, for roughly 9 hours, but I had a blast - after I started to figure out how to handle everything I was handed. :]
This weekend I'm going back out to Ren Fest >:] - Oh yeah, and I don't expect to have to much that I'm willing to post up here, after all I think at least one of my family members read this thing every now and then, and besides, along with the some what mysterious outward appeal, and as unapproachable as I may seem, some peg me as a bit of a Good Girl.. and yeah 99% of the time I probably am, still I have to let my hair down some where right? So consider this blank, happy fun time for any who want to fill it in; This Weekend at Ren Fest I, ____________________________________________________.
Comments are there for a reason - interactive blog!
My social life is sad, I mean all I'm doing is working, or working towards another job. And I've pissed off a few people on and off this week, so yeah - I hope this weekend mends a bit of that. Well this weekend and the following week.
Um On a side note, I'm selling almost all of my comics on eBay in some pretty nice lots, and sadly they are going at some bargain prices - I don't like it, but I don't care, out side of a select few with personal ties to them, if it's not Birds Of Pray, I don't want it near me.
Whatever Tomorrow Brings.. Spiral Out... Wave On
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Monday, October 18, 2004
Astros Make History (10/18/2004)
Ok, First off; Congratulations Boston. Red Sox pull through. ( I think.. I was a bit busy with the Astros game.. personally.)
Second, but in my book more importantly;
ASTROS = History in the making.
But let me tell you why... just in case you missed it :]
Brandon Backe #41 made history tonight. Pitched all the way through to the 8th inning. Finally sitting it out for the 9th. And This is amazing because this Galveston native is only 26, has only been a straight up pitcher for 3 or 4 years now. Pitching for the Astros - everyone knows this is a dream come true. And honestly Houston, as one of the Killer B's - he's becoming a dream come true. Eight full innings! Can you believe it, folks. That's - and this is only so I'm told, I'll check it out further tomorrow - History for the nationals. I'm still an Oswalt #44 fan all the way, but Backe and Beltran and Kent have made my week. As I'm sure they have many others - let me get to why.... :]
Carlos Beltran #15, is without a doubt the man to watch this season. He's stolen like 40'something bases alone this season. 16 have been like from first to second. This man can hit, and run - obviously, but far more importantly, in this game; He can Catch. Possibly the biggest highlight from this game. Outside the ending, of course. I've loved out field ever since I was a wee little kid. Players like Beltran are just the reasons as to why.
Jeff Kent #12, now, out of the three men I have just metioned, I'm sure it's a tie between Kent and Backe, for Player Of The Hour status - with good reason; Bottom of the 9th - you gotta love games that make the dramatic 9th stories - anyways, Bottom of the 9th, Nothin' to Nothin' - I believe Beltran's on second... I really wish I could recall who's on first (I'll post it soon I'm sure) and up steps Jeff Kent, literally the moment of truth for the fans, for the Astros in this game, and Jeff Kent, comes out, and ends the game in a truly magnificent fashion. Hit's it, Out of the Park - game ends Astros 3 to Nothing. Nice having you Cardinals - awfully entertaining. They really are a great team to play against.. and of course beat.
Now, so I'm told again; Whatever teams win the 5th, normally go on to win the series - 9 times out of 11. I can't say I have that all correct. Again I'm still double checking everything. Just to excited to wait.
I don't care where you live, if you like Baseball - if you have ever liked Baseball - the ASTROS are the team to watch. And yeah I'm a Houston Girl - so I'm a bit parcial.. then again up until this season, I was a Cubs fan.
For tonight's game, I would have liked to see more of #44, even in dug out shots *sighs lightly* - but I'll live. One of the best games I've watched in a long, long time.
So go, Boston.
And further more
GO ASTROS
We love ya!
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...
Second, but in my book more importantly;
ASTROS = History in the making.
But let me tell you why... just in case you missed it :]
Brandon Backe #41 made history tonight. Pitched all the way through to the 8th inning. Finally sitting it out for the 9th. And This is amazing because this Galveston native is only 26, has only been a straight up pitcher for 3 or 4 years now. Pitching for the Astros - everyone knows this is a dream come true. And honestly Houston, as one of the Killer B's - he's becoming a dream come true. Eight full innings! Can you believe it, folks. That's - and this is only so I'm told, I'll check it out further tomorrow - History for the nationals. I'm still an Oswalt #44 fan all the way, but Backe and Beltran and Kent have made my week. As I'm sure they have many others - let me get to why.... :]
Carlos Beltran #15, is without a doubt the man to watch this season. He's stolen like 40'something bases alone this season. 16 have been like from first to second. This man can hit, and run - obviously, but far more importantly, in this game; He can Catch. Possibly the biggest highlight from this game. Outside the ending, of course. I've loved out field ever since I was a wee little kid. Players like Beltran are just the reasons as to why.
Jeff Kent #12, now, out of the three men I have just metioned, I'm sure it's a tie between Kent and Backe, for Player Of The Hour status - with good reason; Bottom of the 9th - you gotta love games that make the dramatic 9th stories - anyways, Bottom of the 9th, Nothin' to Nothin' - I believe Beltran's on second... I really wish I could recall who's on first (I'll post it soon I'm sure) and up steps Jeff Kent, literally the moment of truth for the fans, for the Astros in this game, and Jeff Kent, comes out, and ends the game in a truly magnificent fashion. Hit's it, Out of the Park - game ends Astros 3 to Nothing. Nice having you Cardinals - awfully entertaining. They really are a great team to play against.. and of course beat.
Now, so I'm told again; Whatever teams win the 5th, normally go on to win the series - 9 times out of 11. I can't say I have that all correct. Again I'm still double checking everything. Just to excited to wait.
I don't care where you live, if you like Baseball - if you have ever liked Baseball - the ASTROS are the team to watch. And yeah I'm a Houston Girl - so I'm a bit parcial.. then again up until this season, I was a Cubs fan.
For tonight's game, I would have liked to see more of #44, even in dug out shots *sighs lightly* - but I'll live. One of the best games I've watched in a long, long time.
So go, Boston.
And further more
GO ASTROS
We love ya!
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...
Sunday, October 17, 2004
how i feel right now (10/1704)
This is one hell-of-a weekend.
I can't sketch - I try, but nothing is coming out right, something is lost in translation between my mind, my wrist and the paper.
I can't ink - the only ink and pen that I have to use.. well without allot of cleaning and so on a so forth and refills that I don't have... is a set that I really don't know how to use and it's indian ink, and honestly I don't know if my stomach can handle the scent for an extended amount of time.
I'm sure I could write... Though given the roll I'm on so far? - come to think of it.. This will probably suck.
Everyone I know is away. Well in the idea that my weekend plans have been canceled. And it's probably for the best because my pay check isn't exactly what - well things in that area aren't turning out how I expected them too. I'll survive. I always do *sighs*
So alone today.. most of it.. mostly tonight. The waves are hitting hard, and honestly I feel like I'm slowly drowning. It's not a woe-is-me kind of thing, more just when your alone in your room and there is country music playing through your radio - and yes, it is the better choice, rock and alternative and mix and such is far worse all things considered - Your about to lose it with your once-upon-a-time artistic abilities, and your surrounded by tiny reminders.. hell screw the reminders, the first half should be enough, you start to remember things, You start to remember life.. well happiness.. I s'pose you never really forget life as long as your living. I guess it doesn't help that I have misplaced my ring... long story, but some of you already know. I hardly feel it when it's there, I hardly feel it when it's gone, but when I glance down and it doesn't catch my eye, it almost starts a chain reaction. I feel incomplete as it stands alone. More so not knowing where that tiny piece of silver - I think that's what it's made of - is laying.
So the waves come. I'm still stuck at a point where I'm just cried out. Yet the feelings are there, the thoughts just a strong... I really don't know why I'm writing all this. I probably shouldn't, but this is my life, this is my journal. And considering everything else that has been going on in my life - this is nothing. This is just me, no one else. Waves.
obviously I miss him. I'll always miss him.
I'm probably going out to the grave tomorrow. I ordered something online for the tree near by the site, and it came in last week. So it's important that I get out there and hang it up. The grave doesn't actually bother me, I think it actually chokes me more when I'm driving and I drive past on the the 'Cross Streets' ... that gets me. I still can't drive past river oaks and keep the flow of conversation going. - So that's what's on the list for tomorrow.
oh and by the way... Go Astros
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...
I can't sketch - I try, but nothing is coming out right, something is lost in translation between my mind, my wrist and the paper.
I can't ink - the only ink and pen that I have to use.. well without allot of cleaning and so on a so forth and refills that I don't have... is a set that I really don't know how to use and it's indian ink, and honestly I don't know if my stomach can handle the scent for an extended amount of time.
I'm sure I could write... Though given the roll I'm on so far? - come to think of it.. This will probably suck.
Everyone I know is away. Well in the idea that my weekend plans have been canceled. And it's probably for the best because my pay check isn't exactly what - well things in that area aren't turning out how I expected them too. I'll survive. I always do *sighs*
So alone today.. most of it.. mostly tonight. The waves are hitting hard, and honestly I feel like I'm slowly drowning. It's not a woe-is-me kind of thing, more just when your alone in your room and there is country music playing through your radio - and yes, it is the better choice, rock and alternative and mix and such is far worse all things considered - Your about to lose it with your once-upon-a-time artistic abilities, and your surrounded by tiny reminders.. hell screw the reminders, the first half should be enough, you start to remember things, You start to remember life.. well happiness.. I s'pose you never really forget life as long as your living. I guess it doesn't help that I have misplaced my ring... long story, but some of you already know. I hardly feel it when it's there, I hardly feel it when it's gone, but when I glance down and it doesn't catch my eye, it almost starts a chain reaction. I feel incomplete as it stands alone. More so not knowing where that tiny piece of silver - I think that's what it's made of - is laying.
So the waves come. I'm still stuck at a point where I'm just cried out. Yet the feelings are there, the thoughts just a strong... I really don't know why I'm writing all this. I probably shouldn't, but this is my life, this is my journal. And considering everything else that has been going on in my life - this is nothing. This is just me, no one else. Waves.
obviously I miss him. I'll always miss him.
I'm probably going out to the grave tomorrow. I ordered something online for the tree near by the site, and it came in last week. So it's important that I get out there and hang it up. The grave doesn't actually bother me, I think it actually chokes me more when I'm driving and I drive past on the the 'Cross Streets' ... that gets me. I still can't drive past river oaks and keep the flow of conversation going. - So that's what's on the list for tomorrow.
oh and by the way... Go Astros
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...
Thursday, October 14, 2004
I missed Work For This (10/14/04)
So I went on my first interview... and no, it wasn't the really perfect job I mentioned earlier. That one has been filled, but witch such an extremely high turn-around rate, I really haven't abandon all hope on it just yet...
No, this time I went in to interview with CSC Advertising. Nice place, friendly people. 3 Job openings. Sales.. more Sales and Administrative/Universal gal. (obviously not the technical term) I was given a choice on which I truly wanted to apply for..
Sales = 100% commission - with little to no training
Sales again = Management kind of position, they do fully train for. Oh and after about 16 weeks a guarantee activates so your at least going home with some kind of pay check every once in a while.
The Admisinstrative/Universal Gal'thingy = Basically a Receptionist/Secretary. Full Time, 9.50 and hour with (of course depending progress yadayadayada) raises every 2 months.. I think that's what she said - at least for a while. Very slight training, just to bring you up to speed. Your one of many a life lines for the company - that is if your good. (from the sounds of it at least) Over all if you get in, it's a pretty stable job.
So I go for choice number three.. oy, I so should have gone for choice number two. What was I thinking? I'm almost certain I blew it. Which sucks because I'm hating my current job a lil'more each day.
*SighS*
If I hear nothing by 6pm tonight, well then it's better luck next time. If I do hear something.. well that's when the real fun beings. Sink or Swim, right? If I manage this it will be a miracle. My nails were chipped - so much for the lovely paint job I laid over them. I had a really nice outfit laid out - Classic Black Skirt with White button down shirt - well pressed of course, the thin black jacket that ended right around knee length. With the Red hair and very carefully planed make-up - oh yes, the one thing I can do right... that is when I haven't misplaced a few key application tools.
And back on the subject of clothing, what I set aside was not going to work well, given the warmed weather coming up all of a sudden - most of you who live in Houston and wake up as early as I do, know that it was much cooler outside earlier today. So I had to change it quickly; ended up in a red sleevless turtle neck with subtle accent lines running vertically along the fabric. Suede pants, black of course and then basic maroon shoes - more of a wine color I would say my self. - not bad, but still *ACH* compared to what I had in mind.
Then there is my resume, on closer inspection had an awkward typo in the first line of my opening objective. Basically informing them I'm looking for a Working Problem Environment. Lovely. Not my typo, but I take full responsibility. Luckily - I think it wasn't brought up.. yet.
Oh an when they asked me on a scale of 1- 10 what my communication skill are like... my mind goes straight to the "But These Go All The Way to 11". So what do I say? About 5 maybe a 6.. I'm sure they improve more as I become more familiar to the job at hand.
Though I'm not sure if that even came across right. My main goal was to come across as very willing. Ready for something new and again very willing to take on anything to improve my skills in the work place.
Yeah... I know I blew it.
Oh and then I went the wrong way down the freeway and lost about 30 minutes on my drive back.
Well folks, the world waiting *shivers* just 2 more hours to go... *sighs*
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....
No, this time I went in to interview with CSC Advertising. Nice place, friendly people. 3 Job openings. Sales.. more Sales and Administrative/Universal gal. (obviously not the technical term) I was given a choice on which I truly wanted to apply for..
Sales = 100% commission - with little to no training
Sales again = Management kind of position, they do fully train for. Oh and after about 16 weeks a guarantee activates so your at least going home with some kind of pay check every once in a while.
The Admisinstrative/Universal Gal'thingy = Basically a Receptionist/Secretary. Full Time, 9.50 and hour with (of course depending progress yadayadayada) raises every 2 months.. I think that's what she said - at least for a while. Very slight training, just to bring you up to speed. Your one of many a life lines for the company - that is if your good. (from the sounds of it at least) Over all if you get in, it's a pretty stable job.
So I go for choice number three.. oy, I so should have gone for choice number two. What was I thinking? I'm almost certain I blew it. Which sucks because I'm hating my current job a lil'more each day.
*SighS*
If I hear nothing by 6pm tonight, well then it's better luck next time. If I do hear something.. well that's when the real fun beings. Sink or Swim, right? If I manage this it will be a miracle. My nails were chipped - so much for the lovely paint job I laid over them. I had a really nice outfit laid out - Classic Black Skirt with White button down shirt - well pressed of course, the thin black jacket that ended right around knee length. With the Red hair and very carefully planed make-up - oh yes, the one thing I can do right... that is when I haven't misplaced a few key application tools.
And back on the subject of clothing, what I set aside was not going to work well, given the warmed weather coming up all of a sudden - most of you who live in Houston and wake up as early as I do, know that it was much cooler outside earlier today. So I had to change it quickly; ended up in a red sleevless turtle neck with subtle accent lines running vertically along the fabric. Suede pants, black of course and then basic maroon shoes - more of a wine color I would say my self. - not bad, but still *ACH* compared to what I had in mind.
Then there is my resume, on closer inspection had an awkward typo in the first line of my opening objective. Basically informing them I'm looking for a Working Problem Environment. Lovely. Not my typo, but I take full responsibility. Luckily - I think it wasn't brought up.. yet.
Oh an when they asked me on a scale of 1- 10 what my communication skill are like... my mind goes straight to the "But These Go All The Way to 11". So what do I say? About 5 maybe a 6.. I'm sure they improve more as I become more familiar to the job at hand.
Though I'm not sure if that even came across right. My main goal was to come across as very willing. Ready for something new and again very willing to take on anything to improve my skills in the work place.
Yeah... I know I blew it.
Oh and then I went the wrong way down the freeway and lost about 30 minutes on my drive back.
Well folks, the world waiting *shivers* just 2 more hours to go... *sighs*
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....
Monday, October 11, 2004
Solitary Thoughts (10/11/04
Today was a good day. I actually had to sit back an reevaluate my life in the presence of well, on hell-of-a critict. A woman who could make of break me, to a certain extent. Today I 've had a few doors open.. and a good deal more slam in my face.
So with that said;
The following Post is brought to you by the makers of 'Disappearing Floors' - "Just enough - for that just trust." and the creators of R&R also known as Reality Rollercoaster - fasten those seat belts, kiddies!
Redefining Battle
Love vs Life
Imagine the following; Confusion, headaches, stomachs, stress beyond believe, is he/she worth it? Am I worth it? And exactly what is enough? Ten Seconds from a two weeks notice with no where to turn. Roof begining to cave in while the walls around you shrink. The answer is right in front of you, but the means is no where in sight. Things that should be stable are not and what is good one moment is soured by the next....
Then Imagine to follow; Deep breathes, clear thinking, weight lifted, burdens relieved. Trying again, with a good chance to win - and if he/she is worth it or further more are you is no longer the case, one life to live few chances to love and what the hell is fate anyways? Taking the bad news, cleaning to the good news, because fate and faith aside, in a world with out power or wonder good still prevails over evil right? Stability is something achieved with a smile. Longshot or not, reason aside, your here for a reason - but what as to why?
Now Imagine; Chin up, keep the smile on that face - nevermind reality buckling about you. Stablilty is quickly becoming a mother goose rhyme. Your positive energy at which is developed upon request seems to be slowly outed just as it was reigned in. And who's fault is it? How could you know, when the rest of the world that surrounds you, smiles simply saying. "Oh.. no..."
Enough rhyming and babbling. There are some points to be made.
There is nothing new under the sun.
Solitary thought is a fantasy, every idea you have has already or soon will be conceived by a total stranger outside your world, it's just a matter of action - we all have the gift of thought, nothing unique there. the real gift is the gift of choice.
Stability is a fairy tale.
Classically put, life isn't fair.
Don't pray for what you want... don't even meditate on your desire. The only thing you can rely on in this world is what you need, further more you can always rely on being constantly oblivious to your own needs and reminded constantly of it, so.
Never worry about the worst happening when your life is to good, ten to one the burn will come at the moment before you are there.
Progress is frequently misdiagnosed.
The only real task at hand, the only real purpose in life is to move from Point A to Point B, while trying to learn a few things in between and if you have the time to keep some fun waiting on the side lines, for those moments when no one of any real importance is actually looking.
Are these few thoughts right? Wrong? Is it a divide... and if so how even?
LOVE vs LIFE
To a point we all spend our lives redefining our lives.
Different times call for different amounts of investment.
Still like it or not, it's a game we all play. So in a show of hands, in the game of redefining, what is easier? Life, a game we play alone. Or Love, the game we play with another.
The difference, the game of life is one player. The game of love is the game of life with a 2 play option. Is it fair to asking something of another when we are already in content construction of our selves. As a rule of thumb the average person is very unlikely to make a choice based on another's point of view.
So when love comes to town, there are a choices to be made;
Independence - honestly, let it work until it doesn't. Who are you to seek happiness in another?
Unity - Shots are no longer to be made or had. You see worth and value in one another, and above all promise. Fate and Destiny aside. Happiness is worth constructive criticisms.
Forgive me.. I ramble :}
Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out... Wave On...
So with that said;
The following Post is brought to you by the makers of 'Disappearing Floors' - "Just enough - for that just trust." and the creators of R&R also known as Reality Rollercoaster - fasten those seat belts, kiddies!
Redefining Battle
Love vs Life
Imagine the following; Confusion, headaches, stomachs, stress beyond believe, is he/she worth it? Am I worth it? And exactly what is enough? Ten Seconds from a two weeks notice with no where to turn. Roof begining to cave in while the walls around you shrink. The answer is right in front of you, but the means is no where in sight. Things that should be stable are not and what is good one moment is soured by the next....
Then Imagine to follow; Deep breathes, clear thinking, weight lifted, burdens relieved. Trying again, with a good chance to win - and if he/she is worth it or further more are you is no longer the case, one life to live few chances to love and what the hell is fate anyways? Taking the bad news, cleaning to the good news, because fate and faith aside, in a world with out power or wonder good still prevails over evil right? Stability is something achieved with a smile. Longshot or not, reason aside, your here for a reason - but what as to why?
Now Imagine; Chin up, keep the smile on that face - nevermind reality buckling about you. Stablilty is quickly becoming a mother goose rhyme. Your positive energy at which is developed upon request seems to be slowly outed just as it was reigned in. And who's fault is it? How could you know, when the rest of the world that surrounds you, smiles simply saying. "Oh.. no..."
Enough rhyming and babbling. There are some points to be made.
There is nothing new under the sun.
Solitary thought is a fantasy, every idea you have has already or soon will be conceived by a total stranger outside your world, it's just a matter of action - we all have the gift of thought, nothing unique there. the real gift is the gift of choice.
Stability is a fairy tale.
Classically put, life isn't fair.
Don't pray for what you want... don't even meditate on your desire. The only thing you can rely on in this world is what you need, further more you can always rely on being constantly oblivious to your own needs and reminded constantly of it, so.
Never worry about the worst happening when your life is to good, ten to one the burn will come at the moment before you are there.
Progress is frequently misdiagnosed.
The only real task at hand, the only real purpose in life is to move from Point A to Point B, while trying to learn a few things in between and if you have the time to keep some fun waiting on the side lines, for those moments when no one of any real importance is actually looking.
Are these few thoughts right? Wrong? Is it a divide... and if so how even?
LOVE vs LIFE
To a point we all spend our lives redefining our lives.
Different times call for different amounts of investment.
Still like it or not, it's a game we all play. So in a show of hands, in the game of redefining, what is easier? Life, a game we play alone. Or Love, the game we play with another.
The difference, the game of life is one player. The game of love is the game of life with a 2 play option. Is it fair to asking something of another when we are already in content construction of our selves. As a rule of thumb the average person is very unlikely to make a choice based on another's point of view.
So when love comes to town, there are a choices to be made;
Independence - honestly, let it work until it doesn't. Who are you to seek happiness in another?
Unity - Shots are no longer to be made or had. You see worth and value in one another, and above all promise. Fate and Destiny aside. Happiness is worth constructive criticisms.
Forgive me.. I ramble :}
Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out... Wave On...
Sunday, October 10, 2004
know what I mean (10/10/04)
I feel like dumb-ass....
You know those times when you do something - that you and most anyone would think be something that would improve the current state your caught up in... which is obviously a bad state to be in, other wise there would be no reason to do anything, because you don't fix what isn't broken, right?
anyways....
so you do this thing to try and make something that's bad.. better. And you do this so sure of yourself... maybe it's not a cure all, but it has to be an improvement right? I mean at least it's a F#%*ing effort.
And when you do this, and the recipient.. well you think he -and or - she would be happier for it.. or at least.. at the very least respond to the effort, if only because they really have nothing better to do. But no.. no...
the reply you get.. the response to your effort is..
not right now..
you should have called.....
I would but....
and the icing on the disappointment cake is, your entire reasoning for the effort is drived souly because they felt you were in some way defective.. or whatever...
This effort was actually an attempt to improve upon your self, because lets face it, one way or the other.. deep down inside, maybe they aren't entirely right, but to some extent they do have a point.. so you pull your self out of whatever the place is your sunken into... and when you move to the 'second' half of the attempt.. you know the taking action attempt..
In some proverbial way you get a door slammed into your face, a you should have called.. which automatically places the fault on your shoulders.. not that to a point they aren't right...
They are.. You should have called.
Silly us, taking action.. inspired by people who 'live in the moment'. And not calling first.. even if we/you know that all they are really doing is taking a late evening nap... why?
Afterglow of something that may have been the start of the problem almost 24 hours prior....
So your left sitting aside at a computer, doing nothing while that person sleeps or does whatever.. and why? Because you honestly have nothing better to do.. and if you go back to where you once came... well you go back to a place where your 'F*#$ Up' is obvious to someone outside your self.. so you sit and suffer silently, re evaluating your life to try and figure out in the end... who's really right about you....
Know what I mean?
Yeah... Dumb-Ass....
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On...
God I Miss Him
*sighs*
You know those times when you do something - that you and most anyone would think be something that would improve the current state your caught up in... which is obviously a bad state to be in, other wise there would be no reason to do anything, because you don't fix what isn't broken, right?
anyways....
so you do this thing to try and make something that's bad.. better. And you do this so sure of yourself... maybe it's not a cure all, but it has to be an improvement right? I mean at least it's a F#%*ing effort.
And when you do this, and the recipient.. well you think he -and or - she would be happier for it.. or at least.. at the very least respond to the effort, if only because they really have nothing better to do. But no.. no...
the reply you get.. the response to your effort is..
not right now..
you should have called.....
I would but....
and the icing on the disappointment cake is, your entire reasoning for the effort is drived souly because they felt you were in some way defective.. or whatever...
This effort was actually an attempt to improve upon your self, because lets face it, one way or the other.. deep down inside, maybe they aren't entirely right, but to some extent they do have a point.. so you pull your self out of whatever the place is your sunken into... and when you move to the 'second' half of the attempt.. you know the taking action attempt..
In some proverbial way you get a door slammed into your face, a you should have called.. which automatically places the fault on your shoulders.. not that to a point they aren't right...
They are.. You should have called.
Silly us, taking action.. inspired by people who 'live in the moment'. And not calling first.. even if we/you know that all they are really doing is taking a late evening nap... why?
Afterglow of something that may have been the start of the problem almost 24 hours prior....
So your left sitting aside at a computer, doing nothing while that person sleeps or does whatever.. and why? Because you honestly have nothing better to do.. and if you go back to where you once came... well you go back to a place where your 'F*#$ Up' is obvious to someone outside your self.. so you sit and suffer silently, re evaluating your life to try and figure out in the end... who's really right about you....
Know what I mean?
Yeah... Dumb-Ass....
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On...
God I Miss Him
*sighs*
Friday, October 08, 2004
Up and Atom...
Ok Starting off...
'TAXI' is actually a pretty funny movie. Now I'm not about to give it an A rating or five stars, but considering I got in for free, I must say unlike some other sneak peeks I've sat through, this wasn't all that disappointing. And I will say that unlike some other movies that feature fast cars, this one wasn't soooo bad. The tricked out Crown Victorian (the taxi) takes it to the edge of bad, but not exactly over board. Maybe I'm just easily entertained.
Jimmy Fallon reminds me (look wise and in this movie) of someone I know.. and for anyone who guess who that is right off the bat let me say again, look wise, not personality wise - at least not in this role.
Then Queen Latifa, who of which, lets face it, I love. As an actress, not so much for my choice in music, but she's bold and I like bold. Of course her character Belle, reminds me so much of my last driver, Angel - that really helped carry the movie over in my mind. Funny is Funny, but Funnier when you relate. I'm just thankful that the average Special Needs Bus can't top over 70 miles an hour :P.
So if you have seen everything else there is to see, and are just that bored, then check it out. You might just be to type to like it - maybe not love it, but like it is very much possible and for the guys, well I'm straight as a board, but even I have to admit the 'Bad Girls' in this movie are Bad Ass and just, to coin a phrase... DAMN. Lets face it, I know what I know, and what I know is good looking people.
Oh, by the way, Thanks to DJ, for standing in line for over an hour to see it with me.
So my financial situation has a shot at turning around, and as it turns about it can also effect so many other areas of my life, a change for the good. And it's about damn time!
I might find myself here pretty soon up for a job that is full time, pays a minim of 15.00 an hour at most 20.00 an hour - and yeah, keep in mind that right now I'm making roughly 7.75 an hour - part time, so yeah this is awesome. Adding on to that, it's in the Galleria area. after just six months this go from best to better.(trust me after working in the fields I have, that makes sense.)
And here is the best part, it's an office job, and it really only requires me to me able to count from 1 to 100 and accept and send out faxes. And even though I'm not really being referred, the man who sets my resume down on the HR's desk, well lets just say, I'm sure it will at least get a glance over - and I hope it'll get me an interview.
My God, I really could use this. Doubles my yearly income.
It could mean paying off the PEARL, getting caught up all around and getting out of the house. And no more long or short yellow buses.. Waaaahooooo!
So please folks, fingers crossed.
As far as the rest of my life, currently. I'm spending tonight and all day tomorrow alone :[ . Yeah I hate it too. I don't want to sit at home, but a choice I really don't have to much of. Of course I'll call Jonesy, but it looks like mostly just me sitting at home and bugging the hell out of my long distance friends. HA! YOU"VE BEEN FOR WARNED!
As far as Sunday goes; I'm going out with DJ to the Rice Harvest festival *shivers*. To make some connections - no not for me. Lets face it, in business Friends help Friends.
Monday... well plans were canceled, so outside of an appointment I must keep around lunch time - it's a day off for me, so what-ever, when-ever, who-ever.
UP AND ATOM... I'M OFF!!!!
.... To do absolutely nothing...but here we go!
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...
'TAXI' is actually a pretty funny movie. Now I'm not about to give it an A rating or five stars, but considering I got in for free, I must say unlike some other sneak peeks I've sat through, this wasn't all that disappointing. And I will say that unlike some other movies that feature fast cars, this one wasn't soooo bad. The tricked out Crown Victorian (the taxi) takes it to the edge of bad, but not exactly over board. Maybe I'm just easily entertained.
Jimmy Fallon reminds me (look wise and in this movie) of someone I know.. and for anyone who guess who that is right off the bat let me say again, look wise, not personality wise - at least not in this role.
Then Queen Latifa, who of which, lets face it, I love. As an actress, not so much for my choice in music, but she's bold and I like bold. Of course her character Belle, reminds me so much of my last driver, Angel - that really helped carry the movie over in my mind. Funny is Funny, but Funnier when you relate. I'm just thankful that the average Special Needs Bus can't top over 70 miles an hour :P.
So if you have seen everything else there is to see, and are just that bored, then check it out. You might just be to type to like it - maybe not love it, but like it is very much possible and for the guys, well I'm straight as a board, but even I have to admit the 'Bad Girls' in this movie are Bad Ass and just, to coin a phrase... DAMN. Lets face it, I know what I know, and what I know is good looking people.
Oh, by the way, Thanks to DJ, for standing in line for over an hour to see it with me.
So my financial situation has a shot at turning around, and as it turns about it can also effect so many other areas of my life, a change for the good. And it's about damn time!
I might find myself here pretty soon up for a job that is full time, pays a minim of 15.00 an hour at most 20.00 an hour - and yeah, keep in mind that right now I'm making roughly 7.75 an hour - part time, so yeah this is awesome. Adding on to that, it's in the Galleria area. after just six months this go from best to better.(trust me after working in the fields I have, that makes sense.)
And here is the best part, it's an office job, and it really only requires me to me able to count from 1 to 100 and accept and send out faxes. And even though I'm not really being referred, the man who sets my resume down on the HR's desk, well lets just say, I'm sure it will at least get a glance over - and I hope it'll get me an interview.
My God, I really could use this. Doubles my yearly income.
It could mean paying off the PEARL, getting caught up all around and getting out of the house. And no more long or short yellow buses.. Waaaahooooo!
So please folks, fingers crossed.
As far as the rest of my life, currently. I'm spending tonight and all day tomorrow alone :[ . Yeah I hate it too. I don't want to sit at home, but a choice I really don't have to much of. Of course I'll call Jonesy, but it looks like mostly just me sitting at home and bugging the hell out of my long distance friends. HA! YOU"VE BEEN FOR WARNED!
As far as Sunday goes; I'm going out with DJ to the Rice Harvest festival *shivers*. To make some connections - no not for me. Lets face it, in business Friends help Friends.
Monday... well plans were canceled, so outside of an appointment I must keep around lunch time - it's a day off for me, so what-ever, when-ever, who-ever.
UP AND ATOM... I'M OFF!!!!
.... To do absolutely nothing...but here we go!
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Brick Walls
Ok.. so.. I may not be on as much as I normally am..
If anyone from the "groups" reads this - please forgive me, but my online life just hit a temporary road block - I'm posting on this site because - well killing birds with the stones I have.
For everyone else ... if there is anyone else...
I had allot I wanted to say - mostly about social status and odd taste in music.
And some stuff on Metaphysics - good stuff or so I thought....
Some stuff about - well allot about many things...
But I'm not.. I've been trying to keep the chin up attitude about everything.. but despite grand efforts (well maybe not so grand... I thought they were pretty grand.. maybe not...) I keep running into theses brick walls - much like the one up now screwing with my online life... Honestly, how the hell do some of ya'll (not necessarily people I know personally) build theses things so damn fast.
I don't know, maybe I'm losing my edge.. I know I've lost my energy - well that is the little bit I've gained back since losing Russell. What I do have is being crammed into the task of finding either a really good 9 to 5 sort of mindless office job - or a sucky-ass (yeah I said it) part time job at the local 5 and dime or whatever you want to call it - y'know the bargain bins blow out lots that wouldn't know high stress if it walked in and - and I know that could go into something funny or at least smirk worthy, but I'm not that creative.. well not right now.
Time to get back to life....
Whatever Tomorrow Brings.. Spiral Out... Wave On...
If anyone from the "groups" reads this - please forgive me, but my online life just hit a temporary road block - I'm posting on this site because - well killing birds with the stones I have.
For everyone else ... if there is anyone else...
I had allot I wanted to say - mostly about social status and odd taste in music.
And some stuff on Metaphysics - good stuff or so I thought....
Some stuff about - well allot about many things...
But I'm not.. I've been trying to keep the chin up attitude about everything.. but despite grand efforts (well maybe not so grand... I thought they were pretty grand.. maybe not...) I keep running into theses brick walls - much like the one up now screwing with my online life... Honestly, how the hell do some of ya'll (not necessarily people I know personally) build theses things so damn fast.
I don't know, maybe I'm losing my edge.. I know I've lost my energy - well that is the little bit I've gained back since losing Russell. What I do have is being crammed into the task of finding either a really good 9 to 5 sort of mindless office job - or a sucky-ass (yeah I said it) part time job at the local 5 and dime or whatever you want to call it - y'know the bargain bins blow out lots that wouldn't know high stress if it walked in and - and I know that could go into something funny or at least smirk worthy, but I'm not that creative.. well not right now.
Time to get back to life....
Whatever Tomorrow Brings.. Spiral Out... Wave On...
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Example and Lesson...
So I attended not one, but two birthday parties yesterday. One for my Sister - Happy 13th BTW.
And the second for some guy who I really don't know, but a friend of mine was going to one of his boss' birthdays - or something like that and invited me along. Basically it was a studio building filled with about - I don't know, about 50 of the biggest names in realestate, and design and advertising and the list just goes on and on and on... all very well to do - aren't hurting for anything where money is concerned. And all really laid back kind of people - well most of them.
Well..... Over all that night I hadn't had much to eat and I admit what I did have on my stomach wasn't the best thing to mix with a little rum and coke, but I figured one drink wouldn't hurt - about half way through this one drink I begin to feel a bit dizzy. I had hardly eaten that day and I wasn't very hungry - but still empty stomach and a drink of any kind can't have the worlds greatest results - and in my case it didn't. Did I also mention that I was already on the tired side. So here I am at this party - surrounded by the kind of people I really really need to connect with and I'm a bit dizzy - not stumbling around dizzy, but y'know.
And anyone who knows me, knows I can be a bit antisocial - maybe if I had known ahead of time that I would be attending such a party - I knew I was attending a party, I just wasn't aware of what names made the guest list, or more importantly one of the few reasons I was even invited in the first place was so I would have a shot at making some important connections. *eyes roll w/sigh* If I had been forewarned, then maybe I would have gone the extra effort to look a bit more professional, or prepared myself. Or at least laid off the drinks of any kind.
And the annoying thing is, that I was still expected to go out, socialize - never mind the headache, which by this point I had, and the dizziness, which at this point had become much worse, though I hadn't began to stumble just yet.
So after making one very weak connection I retired to The Pearl, and spent the next one or two hours - I lost count after the first 15 minutes, laying in the Pearl, waiting on my friend to finish up with his own hobnobbing. On the way back to his place - one thing lead to another and it was somewhat decided that the nights further plans were to be canceled - well my side of the plans at least, and I drove home, instead of ridding shot gun towards Magnolia for some camping at the REN Festival. I was disappointed, but not that much.
I get home just in time to see my sister's birthday really getting underway - so Of Course I head straight to my room and attempt to fall asleep - this is about 11:00 pm...
The noise from my sisters 13th b-day bash keeps me awake, and hidden in my room until 3:00 am ...
By the time the house begins to fall asleep, I'm now past the point of sanity and slipping fast into a heavy case of insomnia....
About 5:30 am, I pass out thanks to some heavy shots of throat burning liquor - but still wake up, much to early....
What is to be learned from this Post?
If your my friends and you ask me to join you to go anywhere - and you expect me to do one thing or another or look one way or the other or whatever - tell me ahead of time. I appreciate any help I can get -honestly I do. But for the love of God and all that is right and wrong in this world; Tell Me Ahead of Time... Because the Pearl is comfey - but not that comfey.
(sorry for any miss spells - spell check is actin'strange)
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On....
And the second for some guy who I really don't know, but a friend of mine was going to one of his boss' birthdays - or something like that and invited me along. Basically it was a studio building filled with about - I don't know, about 50 of the biggest names in realestate, and design and advertising and the list just goes on and on and on... all very well to do - aren't hurting for anything where money is concerned. And all really laid back kind of people - well most of them.
Well..... Over all that night I hadn't had much to eat and I admit what I did have on my stomach wasn't the best thing to mix with a little rum and coke, but I figured one drink wouldn't hurt - about half way through this one drink I begin to feel a bit dizzy. I had hardly eaten that day and I wasn't very hungry - but still empty stomach and a drink of any kind can't have the worlds greatest results - and in my case it didn't. Did I also mention that I was already on the tired side. So here I am at this party - surrounded by the kind of people I really really need to connect with and I'm a bit dizzy - not stumbling around dizzy, but y'know.
And anyone who knows me, knows I can be a bit antisocial - maybe if I had known ahead of time that I would be attending such a party - I knew I was attending a party, I just wasn't aware of what names made the guest list, or more importantly one of the few reasons I was even invited in the first place was so I would have a shot at making some important connections. *eyes roll w/sigh* If I had been forewarned, then maybe I would have gone the extra effort to look a bit more professional, or prepared myself. Or at least laid off the drinks of any kind.
And the annoying thing is, that I was still expected to go out, socialize - never mind the headache, which by this point I had, and the dizziness, which at this point had become much worse, though I hadn't began to stumble just yet.
So after making one very weak connection I retired to The Pearl, and spent the next one or two hours - I lost count after the first 15 minutes, laying in the Pearl, waiting on my friend to finish up with his own hobnobbing. On the way back to his place - one thing lead to another and it was somewhat decided that the nights further plans were to be canceled - well my side of the plans at least, and I drove home, instead of ridding shot gun towards Magnolia for some camping at the REN Festival. I was disappointed, but not that much.
I get home just in time to see my sister's birthday really getting underway - so Of Course I head straight to my room and attempt to fall asleep - this is about 11:00 pm...
The noise from my sisters 13th b-day bash keeps me awake, and hidden in my room until 3:00 am ...
By the time the house begins to fall asleep, I'm now past the point of sanity and slipping fast into a heavy case of insomnia....
About 5:30 am, I pass out thanks to some heavy shots of throat burning liquor - but still wake up, much to early....
What is to be learned from this Post?
If your my friends and you ask me to join you to go anywhere - and you expect me to do one thing or another or look one way or the other or whatever - tell me ahead of time. I appreciate any help I can get -honestly I do. But for the love of God and all that is right and wrong in this world; Tell Me Ahead of Time... Because the Pearl is comfey - but not that comfey.
(sorry for any miss spells - spell check is actin'strange)
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On....
Friday, October 01, 2004
Funny Guys
I went to go see Stephen Lynch and Mitch Hedberg last night.
By The Way; Thanks C.M. - awesome night!
I could sit here and tell you all how much Stephen Lynch rocked! Blasphemy all around!
I could sit here and tell you about how gifted Mitch Hedberg still is with almost pointless shit which all of a sudden sounds funny when he points out the obvious - Very few men can pull that off, the rest of you come across as sort of - well in honor of Mr. Lynch - Special.
I could tell you all that and more, but why? You should already know this by now. And if you don't know who Stephen Lynch and/or Mitch Hedberg is - then by God! Educate your selves. Both have CD's out right now.
Though Fair warning - Stephen Lynch is not the man to go with if you are offended by anything - and I mean just that Anything. And If you extremely hard to amuse - then maybe Mitch isn't you kind of act. In which case I suggest getting a life. Surly - If you read this site? You'll like at least one comic or the other.
For now, I think I'm going to tag along with my Mom everywhere this weekend that I possibly can, unless one of you rescues me from boredom. I don't want to sit at home - it's to depressng need a distraction and this weekend the group I normally seem to hangout with have split for the realms of fantasy and delight. Why am I not joining in? Well I'm told, I'm not ready for such a journey - and I admit I don't really see camping out at Ren Fest during the opening weekend to be the brightest idea ever, I've never been, but common sense is common sense. Still I wont go as far to say as I'm not 'ready' for it, I'm just dodging the idea for a laundry list of reasons that do not include 'I'm Not Ready'.
Soooooo.... any how - I guess I have time on my hands and a desperate need to do something with it. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.
Whatever tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out...... Wave On.....
By The Way; Thanks C.M. - awesome night!
I could sit here and tell you all how much Stephen Lynch rocked! Blasphemy all around!
I could sit here and tell you about how gifted Mitch Hedberg still is with almost pointless shit which all of a sudden sounds funny when he points out the obvious - Very few men can pull that off, the rest of you come across as sort of - well in honor of Mr. Lynch - Special.
I could tell you all that and more, but why? You should already know this by now. And if you don't know who Stephen Lynch and/or Mitch Hedberg is - then by God! Educate your selves. Both have CD's out right now.
Though Fair warning - Stephen Lynch is not the man to go with if you are offended by anything - and I mean just that Anything. And If you extremely hard to amuse - then maybe Mitch isn't you kind of act. In which case I suggest getting a life. Surly - If you read this site? You'll like at least one comic or the other.
For now, I think I'm going to tag along with my Mom everywhere this weekend that I possibly can, unless one of you rescues me from boredom. I don't want to sit at home - it's to depressng need a distraction and this weekend the group I normally seem to hangout with have split for the realms of fantasy and delight. Why am I not joining in? Well I'm told, I'm not ready for such a journey - and I admit I don't really see camping out at Ren Fest during the opening weekend to be the brightest idea ever, I've never been, but common sense is common sense. Still I wont go as far to say as I'm not 'ready' for it, I'm just dodging the idea for a laundry list of reasons that do not include 'I'm Not Ready'.
Soooooo.... any how - I guess I have time on my hands and a desperate need to do something with it. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.
Whatever tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out...... Wave On.....
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