There are up sides and down sides to being "Back Ground Girl" at work.

Up sides:
You stay out of Gossip.
Your mistakes usually go unnoticed.
Your one of the first, people come to for opinions.
Plenty of time to ponder the universe.

Down Side:
You stay out of Gossip, so you lose you Mysterious Persona, because no one cares.
Your achievements and exceptional skills go unnoticed.
Your the last one people talk about.
Plenty of time to ponder your love life or lack there of.

... That's divine balance for you.....

good day

I have forgotten how good honesty can feel. Or how good it feels to just accept your friends as friends and throw away all feelings and urges to impress these people. Like today in the break room of Showcase, when a group of us were trying hard to convince leAder that she had on an occasion eaten the sticker off an apple without realizing it a couple of weeks ago (Keeping in mind odds are she probably didn't.. but since no one knows for sure, the moment of doubt is to be ceased for comic relief), we ended up talking about all the strange things we did eat (as kids), like worms... cat food... dirt.... and the things we did for money in Junior high, like licking the bottom of our shoes on bets and fancily backed dares. Or when Golden Boy and I proved our selves the two worst dancers while trying to attract people to the show. Sure I have a crush on Golden Boy and about a small handful of other guys, but today for the first time I actually just goofed off and stopped trying to impress him, and we actually had a good time producing a successful rain dance. Life just full of unexpected ironic, like how one of the best and most observant ushers I know, eat the sticker on a washington fuigi apple... and how despite helping to raise countless youths through out my life I can't even be trusted alone to guard Cotton candy for more then two minutes, because some how not dropping it is beyond my capabilities.

So we have established the fact that I'm alive. Due to longer hours at work, a wee bit of drama and a slight changing of future plans and of cores a disconnect of my room mates internet considering with the crash of his computer - I have been busy and unable to gain access to the online world.... how I've missed it.

General updates... Health, I think I'm doing fine. If I'm losing weight, it's slow going. I currently sport the "Six Flags Astroworld" tan. I have my first tattoo, a four leaf clover, with a P in the middle of it, on my right ankle... no color or shading, not yet at least.
Mentally, I think I'm fairly sane. Finally really feeling things coming back together. As soon as my family sells the house and moves, I'll move with them and immediately start on enrolling myself into some school, knocking my basics out of the way, and I'm thinking of studying theater... which the second thing I'll do once I move is find a community arts or animal rescue and volunteer, soul work if you know what I mean... Bottom line I need a change.
Social life, Eeek. I have a small group of friends... we are all nerds, geeks or general outcast, but somehow I have managed, by no fault of my own to be the only nerd in a group of nerds that gets teased for being a nerd. Hands down my social life isn't as unfortunate as my love life, but it's well on it's way.
Love life, I don't know where to begin. I have never had so much, go so wrong, so quickly and so frequently. I just can not catch a break.
Spiritually, I feel like i'm standing in a cluttered bed room, sighing lightly, just trying to figure out where to begin.

Bottom line over all, I'm lost.... but patience is a virtue and in time I will be found.

First off, I'm still alive...

So much has changed, like I now have a tattoo.

And so much more and it just keeps right on changing...

I will post again soon.

I'm ok.