2005 ( almost here )

So the links don't work...
I'm stuck with a haircut I hate...
My love life is a roller coaster, and not in the best of term....
I'm not losing the weight as well as I had hoped....
Job is good, but I missed work today, because I never speak up when i should and sometimes when we are unselfish, in the presence of those who are very selfish, in some sick and twisted way, we become far more selfish then they...
Oh, and this web/blog/site thingy sucks.. not at all as I had intended it to be. So If I Don't Have It Up To Speed by say.. the end of March, then it's bye bye blog for this girl.
In the mean time back to me.

I know I haven't been posting much, but here's something to clear my head and bring some of us to a decent speed.A few weeks back I walked into Comic Book Orphanage.. first time since ... wow I think May? The guys who run it are great, had everything still on hold and, yes despite the large sum, I should have it off by the end of February. Just have to get the Pearl, finally up to speed. I took Donovan with me.. and well as far as all that is going, well more a bit later in the post. Anyways it felt good to go back to the shop. I think I've been going to them for like 5 years now? need to start going again every week like I used to it. It's fun, and I get to walk around for a few hours, looking at the other shops in the center, and it clears a girl’s head. Besides, I have very few places I can go anymore, where there are always at least 2 smiles to greet me.

Job is great. I hope I still have one tomorrow. I mean they are flexible, and it's just a cool.. yet some what shady place to work for, but not like that's new for me. It's also close to some schools.. yeah, still thinking about it. I feel like I have no real drive. I mean you would think the idea of a better career and life would be enough, but ya'll know me, I need a reason - and currently, I really don't have that 'reason'. I mean it usually takes someone I care about, who cares that much about me. Or cares that 'way' about me. Oh well.. one day I'll have that reason, or I'll snap out of it.. or whatever.

Family life, is allot like a post card life. Sorry about that to any family that may be reading this. I aim to help recover some of my family closeness after I finally move out and not living between places and struggling to beat traffic, all the f***ing time.

Love life? Oh, my. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. And of course with that said, obviously the 'why' I'm doing it slips me from time to time. I'll be twenty-one on the above date ( jan 19 ) at which time, I need to join a gym, after all October is coming again. Find a bar.. or learn to love clubbing. Either way, I need a social life I can stand in alone. I need a circle and I need one fast. Mardi Gras is coming. DJ, likes to celebrate from balconies.. geee! Can't Imagine why... And I, welll it would be my first year without the family.. I'll do my best not to end up as another Girls Gone Wild after thought. And then there is Rodeo Houston. DJ, hate concerts and large crowds... never mind he's at a party right now at this very moment. I'm here alone, because I have work.. and even though I don’t understand it, but something about attention he needs, that he can't get when I'm near.. or well something less screwed up sounding then that. Seriously folks, I'm not upset. I'm a drag.. well I'm F***ing top notch, goddess of the night in my world, Smoking diva, but in his world, his circle... not so much. So I understand, and when I'm old enough to actually order my own drinks.. in just a few short weeks, I'll be more then happy to party at night, we'd be the perfect couple... well accept for the fact, it may be at different parties. Oh Well.. Anyone who says I'm not a hard one to hold has never dated me. So anyways, I'm in the market as it were, for some Mardi Gras and Rodeo Boys and Girls, to hang with. Because I live for music, and I have no interest, of standing on a balcony-watching girls 'compete' for beads, when I can In the crowd, ally way or bar - earning my own.

The best thing ever? Or the sweetest thing about my birthday this year? Though it may fall on a Wed. It's still the day after pay day. And I can work with a hangover >:]

So G'Nite BOYS and girls.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... (and oh the possibilities) Spiral Out... (I fully intend too) Wave On.... ( bring it on...)

Next Year - Will Rock

Time To See Who's Who and What's What.

True Fans of The written Word, Lend Me Your mouse's. The Day some of us Have Been Waiting For... Now If Only theses Links will work....

(if Not, Try Finding The Trailors Else Where....)

CONSTATINE

and....

BATMAN BEGINNINGS

and.. I haven't seen this one, but should be promising...

ELEKTRA

I'm not Venting - By venting.... (12/9/04)

Oh My God...

I want to vent... I want to Vent soooo bad.

Why can't I vent... this, this BLOG is my sanctuary. I should be able to vent!

But I can't. Why can't I?

Relationships. Now, not necessarily a 2D one. I hope It's not a 2D one... maybe it should be - a bit simpler in the long run. MAYBE it's the source of my 2d ranting... which I will fix the typos and finish. For now...

Now, I want to vent. I can't vent. Want too... Need Too almost... Can't.

A relationship. My God... I was spoiled. I'm trying to forget what that's like. I mean it's perfect - was perfect. I don't expect that... I never did before, I wont even ask that.. it would be insane.

Nice, but insane.

sacrifice.

*sighs*

I'm a thinker. Maybe that makes the difference between me and normal girls. I think.. make sure my problems are, well - really the problems. No sense on blowing off over the first emotion and thoughts and whatever, blowing up with the first, with you initial reaction - I mean slow down. Right? Think it through.. right?

I feel like I'm gonna be sick. So I'm not normal. So what?.. Exactly my point. So, I'm not Normal? What's normal, and if you can peg it as the classic girl friend bull shit - more so in this day of age. Why is that something so to have? But hey! What do I honestly know?

I'm just trying to not vent, by.. well venting.

Alright. So this relationship isn't to defined. It's all about the company anyways... SO I'm told.

Maybe it's time to begin defining.

Wait! There's More! (12/06/04)

Alright, so I promised some human nature stuff, right? And as if anyone is still reading this - I haven't really delivered. I even went a step further and picked a more precise topic on 2D relationships.. lets face it people; We Have All Been In One, and Don't look now, because most people would agree ten out of ten people are still holding a 2D relationship with someone in some way. My guess would say the most popular 2D relationship is found between coworkers. Second most popular, are of course the type of people who are caught in everyday relationships, that are slowly moving in big agonizing circles, that will either end up broken off in an e-mail, or post it - for the more original thinkers or taken to the next level which of course is marriage; don't kid yourself, if you have spent the past 5 years engaged, and the 5 years prior to that as the 'steady couple' and no wedding date in sight, your probably in a 2D relationship. Taking the next step towards the alter, more so with great haste, or agonizing means to the 5 year end, are now a days, most likely to not even see that one year anniversary - though most bets are at least taken from the 22 month point on. That's right folks, when his type of 2D relationship reaches that point, odds are Divorce is not far behind... that is unless you chose to wait until your well into your late 20s to tie the knot - statistics are slightly more in your favor.
Then there are the few other lesser 2DR's. A stranged family could make for a good third, or you lovely neighbor's, for those of you stuck in one of the ranch-like communities. But I think we can all agree that Office life and Love life rule this subject.

So what do I consider a 2 D relationship.. hmmmm. Well you may have gotten a taste in the above. And I do promise ( sighs, yes there is that word again) a more indepth look into my twisted and misunderstood mind - full out with all the wonderful details that you could spend all day wrapping your mind around, if you really have nothing better to do. And honestly on a side note, I can't completely say this is fueled by completely unrelated matters to my own personal life.. if I said that I'm sure it would be considered a fib and best. So I'll take another few lines to just rant about my life a bit,. before I really wedge myself between the old rock and hard place, just chew on the above, allow it to wet your appetite - for there truly is more where that came from, as if anyone is still reading and or cares.

Moving On! (momentary break - I assure you all) My job is good. Office work seems to suite me for now. Leaves me craving means to a higher education - who knows where that'll lead.
Love life is a bit rocky, but none the less inspiring >:]
Christmas shopping - well despite all the gifts I buy, the list hardly seems dented. And all the really big gifts are being pushed to the last minute. I hate the idea for delayed gift giving, but lets face it - It's not like I haven't unwrapped three or four CD's only to then unwrap the raincheck for my new soundsystem. - Still I'll try my hardest to leave no stone un turned, or store shelf un searched.
And as far as general social calendar goes... "I'm in the Market, as it were."
So H-Town, feel free to drop in and say Hi. If you know me, then you know my number.. if you don't then the E-Mails Sterben_84@hotmail.com Always interested in whoever's interested in this thing.

And as I said before, 2D relationships... more to come!

Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out.... Wave On

2 D relationships

It's gonna be one of those weeks. I can feel it now.

2D relationships. I'm may not get to put to much on here right now, but I promise you I'll post a great deal on it. I'm currently caught in the middle of a few. Some not so important, others very very important. Honestly it looks like I'm really getting my cravings to study human nature again.

Real Life... Is Real Life (11/30/2004)

So, I'm sitting at DJ's house, on his computer writing this while he watches the Sex and the City... so I'm listening to the dialogue and I'm thinking WTF mate??? It's too much like real life and lets face it, if good dialogue was all about the 'real life' tone and what have you... well then everyone would be a writer. I mean you want realistic dialogue - but there's a fine line between great dialogue and wasted paper and ink.

Anyways, so I'm not saying I hate the show, any show that celebrates fashion in such manner is pretty good. Makeup and hair - well it's a hit and miss. Very ordinary looking actors though... probably explains the dialogue.

Well, works good.. Lifes good. I hope to visit the Reagans this weekend, actually I hope to do allot of things this weekend. I know I'll write more later. This is sounding way to 'real life'. >:]

Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out.... Wave On....

Beholder (11/22/04)

I feel like I'm turning.. or reverting into the cold bitter person I was before Russell came into my life. Which is a terrible thing, and I can't believe it has come so far along as it has.. though it could have allot further to go, but yet I have no idea where to really start as far as fixing it.
Sure, I'm happy.
But, it's a different kind of happy.
Still good happy, but different.
I doubt I'll ever be the kind.. feel the caliber of happy that I had, that I felt during my time with him.. what may have been the full cause of my improving personality as it were - during that period. And it's true I changed any many ways - some ways may never ever change, even if I wanted them too. And yet the one change that I really really hate to lose, seems to be the one fading the fastest. When I first began dating Russell, a friend told me I was different, pegged down the change to a T' and said they liked it.. they liked this Lyndsey much more then the old.. honestly I did too. Hence the wanting to cling to it.
Still - It's slipping, I can tell that old colder or bitter way is surfacing again.. The few people around, unknowingly have shown me that much, by their fare (all things considered) reaction to my ever down spiraling outlook on everything.

I look at photos - souls captured still by familiar gifted grace. And I know why - I know the very reasons the women and men are focused on.. mostly women of course. Art history speaks volumes about the models chosen for the eternal form. And of course a side of me, still gazes upon them from an artistic point of view - I don't care what anyone thinks. I may only take part in a few crafts of skill, but an artistic eye is an artistic eye - the ability to see beauty in all matter is something every artist must share and respect. But then there is the other side.. the human side if you will, that gazes.. and it doesn't have to be a long gaze, even a glance at time is enough, that leaves me in a state of insecurity.. that under further analysis is actually a state of disappointment.

Even if I do improve again - it will never be the same... and if it's not equal, or in case of a miracle, better - then I'm looking at many years of disappointment in my self. So I can only assume that the task at hand is to simply do all that I can to lessen that weight from my shoulders, mind and view point. - Though the star maybe another paycheck off :]

I will never be the chosen focus, but at least I can try and inspire variety in the world - where there is, somewhere deep, deep within our souls, is - be it flourishing and vibrant, or small and mistaken - artists in each of us. Hence the eye of the beholder. In the end I think that's all any of us want at some given time or another. The human nature to want, even in the smallest ways to 'beheld' a bit more - or at the very least, a personally deserving amount. After all the Dental Industry would practically become graveyard if not for that bit of human nature.

I think I can... I know I can... It's just hard without direction.

Anywhere Else....

So one week down.. the job is great. I really don't get bit. And everything I file is electronic.. which sucks, because it's allot harder to screw up electronic file work, then the old minilla folder kind. Oh Well.. it's a job, a really good job. And I'm starting to like my co-workers more... Still listen to sad I hate everything, but you when your sick and I want to make you feel better, but lets just be friends because I'm too deep and depressing to care for any - including myself, because my Dad was there, but who the hell cares .. my problems run deeper then the same old shit... music.
But they did put some PIEBALD on.. which I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or laugh. I could only think at a times how much fun I had when I went to see them with Jealous Sound with Russell... I fell in love with piebald from the first song. Then I thought how much DJ would hate this music.
I enjoyed every minute to be honest.

Outside of that, not much is going on. The Pearl is acting up on me. So I've been driving the jeep (i'm thinking of calling it gunner... I mean name the Pearl.. can't leave the Jeep out.) My dad wants to drop the Pearl's tank.. I think, given the problem relates to a gas gage thingy... yep I know cars *rolls eyes*

I want to go see Finding NeverLand.... but I have diner plans with DJ that involve other couples... one married and one engaged.. yeah this should be entertaining. And it's not like you can catch a late showing. In Houston the only showing anywhere is at 7:30.. it's playing at about a half a dozen cinemas around town, but all only 7:30 showings. So I'll have to catch it Sunday or some time during the week after work... of god I'm rambling.

So seriously where Movies are concerned, if you haven't seen the Incredibles get off your ass and go see it. It is one of the most breathtaking movies I have seen in a long time. It's positively sunning.. so go see it, then hurry back and comment on how right I am and just how much it really rocks. It was brought to life by the same man responsible for the Iron Giant. Brad Bird. You can read all about it in the new issue of Disney Magazine (winter 2004 - 2005) - and that's the DISNEY MAGAZINE.. not the Adventures. If you love animation, I highly suggest picking up an issue. Oooh, Disney and if you can find it TOON MAGAZINE.. if you find toon, and if you find it in Houston that is, e-mail me ASAP.

God I wish I had something constructive to write. Lets face it I would rather be anywhere else at this moment. So anyways, I'll post something worth reading soon.. I hope.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....

Peek - A - Look

Clikc On the Title Or...

CLICK HERE

Then read up!
It can be your inside peek into some of the world I've spent the past month or so visiting!

I'm still a newbie... but I plan to change most of that. Some of the pepole I hang with and/or camp near by are mentioned.. like FireStone and his Father Satan. Both really cool guys. Read up, check it out... saddly I wasn't there that weekend. *sighs* But I doubt I miss even a single weekend next year.. and I hope not to miss a moment of Excalibur.. but it might me harder. Someday I'll be a rennie.. or something closely related... of course I'm a lone Pirate when you look at the group I stick near. But oh well... adds to the mistery. ^_^

Oh Me GOSH! (11/16/04)

Wow, so I haven't posted in like almost 2 weeks now, right?

Gosh, where does a girl begin? How about with the new job!

Yes last week I quite working with the Bus Barn, and after a really, really F***ing awesome weekend out at Ren Fest - the last weekend by the way - started my new job at.. well at a company that sales to many many other companys.. mostly welding stuff. Making about a buck more an hour, for the first 90 days, but it's 40 hours + mild over time. So Boom Baby! It's mind numbing Office Work, but I L-O-V-E it! And the very best part is; I run no risk of being bit!

Now before I get onto anything else; I am sooo sorrry to everyone. Switching Jobs, keeping up with day to day life - well I have no time for life. Other people I know with Blogs - Haven't even had time to check on them, don't have time now - and I used to read some religiously. And groups... oh yeah, if you reading this and your from groups... so sorry. Maybe one day I can return... at least ya'll know I'm still alive.... I think I am.

Weekend before last - Spent Friday night with M. Saw the Incredibles (Best PIXAR Movie ever) Went to Ren Fest with M Saturday... Old Boyfriend met new Boy Friend - yeah that's enough of that.Stayed back at Ren Fest Saturday night, with the new BF, DJ. Sunday came home and actually went out to Diner and a Movie (The Incredibles again) with DJ's mom - really cool and down to earth.

During the week that followed... well Got a new job, quit the old. Roller Coster of all sorts of fun. Still have dozens of phone calls to make.

This last weekend - Last Renaissance Festival Weekend. So of course DJ and I hit it an hit hard... sort of. He didn't get off work to kind of late.. and Friday night was kind of cold, so we stayed back in Houston and left early.. I use that term loosely... early Saturday. Ended up actually blowing up the airbed and folding down the back of his Land Cruiser and just sleeping in the vehicle all night. Stayed nice and toasty warm all night long, and actually went into the fest again Sunday. All so short, but so entirely sweet :] I can't wait for Excalibur Fest this coming Spring.

Ok, so today on a local radio station they were talking about how Married Men are more likely to hit on Women then Single Men. And Women were calling up left and right to confirm this, with all sorts of stories. The callin's and e-mails went on forever so it seemed. Honestly it's enough to make a girl never ever want to settle down. That and order back ground checks on every guy she comes in any romantic contact with.

See that's the down'ish side to my work place. The two girls who control the radio have it split; Either it's little known rock bands - that just bore me to death, or it's 104 stuff, like the R&B and Pop, with Alternative undertones. I really don't know if I feel more like picking up the new Destiny's Child CD or an Underground Revolution of Rock.And just as luck would have it, the songs that get stuck in my head are not the whiney rock, but rather then R&B - the new Destiny's Child hit, Can you Keep up.. or Baby Boy.. or whatever it's called has been rolling around my head all day. The really bad thing is, I think it's geared to inspire a change in you dance life, but really only drives me to reinvent or excite my ... well under the satin sheets life. Which may not bee a bad thing.. Just used to getting that vibe from The Scorpions or AcDc.. not really Destiny's Child or the Black Eyed Peas... but oh well.

Speaking of things of similar names. Black Eyed Pea.. the restaurant this time, not the group. Served me the worst meal I have ever had in my life. It was simply awful. Made me so sick that I spent the rest of Diner at Jason's Deli watching Jonesy eat, while I slowly sipped Sprite and sucked down a peppermint. I can only hope it was simply a bad night or bad location - I hate to think the other branches have really fallen to such low standards.

That's all for now...

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On.....

Pirates and Ninjas (11/3/2004)

Dial Up Sucks So Much...

Ok quick run by'sFirst off. Way To Go BUSH! Yes I know, neither Bush Or Kerry are ideal choices, as well both have made fair shares of mistakes and so on and so forth, but I have always felt Bush is the lesser of the Evils, well I keep that level of enthusiasm low for the civil debates - on more personal heated debates, well.. a bit different. I also know I said before I'm laying off politics on this thing. And you'll be happy to know I'm not about to go back on that much, I'm going to step around it carefully, but this is the big one so - deal. And again, Wahooo!

Second, this past weekend.. well it was odd. And Drama everywhere! Just enough to inspire me to bite the bullet and present the following; Yes I am dating again - yes it's hard. I love Russell so much - I'm so not ready for this. Currently I'm seeing DJ/Donovan on a slightly more then friends level. We actually started dating a bit over a month ago.. in truths, I really began, mostly due to the fact that I really needed a distraction. Some how he's stuck it through, wants to keep it up - I can't promise for how long, hell it could end tonight. Like I said I'm really not ready for this and it shows, but again he knows this, I know this. He some how ended up in this position back when I still really wasn't in the mind set for looking and he's stuck it out - so There.I still miss and love Russell dearly - and yeah to personal for the blog, but it's not about to go ignored.

Third, No job as of yet. *sighs* Maybe still with Target, but no word as of yet...

Fourth, at last check I'm going to see The Incredibles with M, Friday night. Then off to Ren Fest for Saturday, again with M, but I know I'll run into DJ, and Satan (long story) and all the other cool campers lounging around the festivities as they have and do and will always for as long as the Ren Fest stands. Sunday is still up in the air.

I also saw .. well "SAW" and that new Ben Afflek x-mas movie. More on both later. All I can say is Good To See Carrie Elways back in the movies. Not exactly the Dread Pirate Roberts, but I'm a fan for life.

Some Fun Stuff (10/28/04)

Wow - So I like I missed a week. Jeez, that's a first, for me at least.
Now I would like to tell you what I did last weekend. Really I would, most of it took place at the Ren Fest camp grounds - yes DJ finally decided I was ready. Honestly it was a bit slow, well most of the first night, then the fun stuff kicked in and that's where this ends.

Speaking of ending, My health Insurance has been canceled... yeah, so now the job search has moved into a more 'critical' category. I'm about to start at Target, pending drug test. Of course it's temporary, of course they don't know that yet. The catch is, I'm working in the bakery - or will be - and it's nothing compared to what Russell was heading towards, but still :[ - I'll be fine, yeah it's temporary... I hope. I now have skills in almost every program that falls under the Microsoft Office title, and that includes Data Entry, so maybe that will help speed things along. Also I may be picking up a few random jobs filling in as a makeshift Photography Helper thingy. Spent all day last Sunday going from on end of Six Flags Astroworld to the other, again and again, for roughly 9 hours, but I had a blast - after I started to figure out how to handle everything I was handed. :]

This weekend I'm going back out to Ren Fest >:] - Oh yeah, and I don't expect to have to much that I'm willing to post up here, after all I think at least one of my family members read this thing every now and then, and besides, along with the some what mysterious outward appeal, and as unapproachable as I may seem, some peg me as a bit of a Good Girl.. and yeah 99% of the time I probably am, still I have to let my hair down some where right? So consider this blank, happy fun time for any who want to fill it in; This Weekend at Ren Fest I, ____________________________________________________.
Comments are there for a reason - interactive blog!

My social life is sad, I mean all I'm doing is working, or working towards another job. And I've pissed off a few people on and off this week, so yeah - I hope this weekend mends a bit of that. Well this weekend and the following week.

Um On a side note, I'm selling almost all of my comics on eBay in some pretty nice lots, and sadly they are going at some bargain prices - I don't like it, but I don't care, out side of a select few with personal ties to them, if it's not Birds Of Pray, I don't want it near me.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings.. Spiral Out... Wave On

Astros Make History (10/18/2004)

Ok, First off; Congratulations Boston. Red Sox pull through. ( I think.. I was a bit busy with the Astros game.. personally.)

Second, but in my book more importantly;
ASTROS = History in the making.
But let me tell you why... just in case you missed it :]

Brandon Backe #41 made history tonight. Pitched all the way through to the 8th inning. Finally sitting it out for the 9th. And This is amazing because this Galveston native is only 26, has only been a straight up pitcher for 3 or 4 years now. Pitching for the Astros - everyone knows this is a dream come true. And honestly Houston, as one of the Killer B's - he's becoming a dream come true. Eight full innings! Can you believe it, folks. That's - and this is only so I'm told, I'll check it out further tomorrow - History for the nationals. I'm still an Oswalt #44 fan all the way, but Backe and Beltran and Kent have made my week. As I'm sure they have many others - let me get to why.... :]

Carlos Beltran #15, is without a doubt the man to watch this season. He's stolen like 40'something bases alone this season. 16 have been like from first to second. This man can hit, and run - obviously, but far more importantly, in this game; He can Catch. Possibly the biggest highlight from this game. Outside the ending, of course. I've loved out field ever since I was a wee little kid. Players like Beltran are just the reasons as to why.

Jeff Kent #12, now, out of the three men I have just metioned, I'm sure it's a tie between Kent and Backe, for Player Of The Hour status - with good reason; Bottom of the 9th - you gotta love games that make the dramatic 9th stories - anyways, Bottom of the 9th, Nothin' to Nothin' - I believe Beltran's on second... I really wish I could recall who's on first (I'll post it soon I'm sure) and up steps Jeff Kent, literally the moment of truth for the fans, for the Astros in this game, and Jeff Kent, comes out, and ends the game in a truly magnificent fashion. Hit's it, Out of the Park - game ends Astros 3 to Nothing. Nice having you Cardinals - awfully entertaining. They really are a great team to play against.. and of course beat.

Now, so I'm told again; Whatever teams win the 5th, normally go on to win the series - 9 times out of 11. I can't say I have that all correct. Again I'm still double checking everything. Just to excited to wait.

I don't care where you live, if you like Baseball - if you have ever liked Baseball - the ASTROS are the team to watch. And yeah I'm a Houston Girl - so I'm a bit parcial.. then again up until this season, I was a Cubs fan.

For tonight's game, I would have liked to see more of #44, even in dug out shots *sighs lightly* - but I'll live. One of the best games I've watched in a long, long time.

So go, Boston.
And further more

GO ASTROS

We love ya!

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...

how i feel right now (10/1704)

This is one hell-of-a weekend.
I can't sketch - I try, but nothing is coming out right, something is lost in translation between my mind, my wrist and the paper.
I can't ink - the only ink and pen that I have to use.. well without allot of cleaning and so on a so forth and refills that I don't have... is a set that I really don't know how to use and it's indian ink, and honestly I don't know if my stomach can handle the scent for an extended amount of time.
I'm sure I could write... Though given the roll I'm on so far? - come to think of it.. This will probably suck.
Everyone I know is away. Well in the idea that my weekend plans have been canceled. And it's probably for the best because my pay check isn't exactly what - well things in that area aren't turning out how I expected them too. I'll survive. I always do *sighs*

So alone today.. most of it.. mostly tonight. The waves are hitting hard, and honestly I feel like I'm slowly drowning. It's not a woe-is-me kind of thing, more just when your alone in your room and there is country music playing through your radio - and yes, it is the better choice, rock and alternative and mix and such is far worse all things considered - Your about to lose it with your once-upon-a-time artistic abilities, and your surrounded by tiny reminders.. hell screw the reminders, the first half should be enough, you start to remember things, You start to remember life.. well happiness.. I s'pose you never really forget life as long as your living. I guess it doesn't help that I have misplaced my ring... long story, but some of you already know. I hardly feel it when it's there, I hardly feel it when it's gone, but when I glance down and it doesn't catch my eye, it almost starts a chain reaction. I feel incomplete as it stands alone. More so not knowing where that tiny piece of silver - I think that's what it's made of - is laying.

So the waves come. I'm still stuck at a point where I'm just cried out. Yet the feelings are there, the thoughts just a strong... I really don't know why I'm writing all this. I probably shouldn't, but this is my life, this is my journal. And considering everything else that has been going on in my life - this is nothing. This is just me, no one else. Waves.

obviously I miss him. I'll always miss him.

I'm probably going out to the grave tomorrow. I ordered something online for the tree near by the site, and it came in last week. So it's important that I get out there and hang it up. The grave doesn't actually bother me, I think it actually chokes me more when I'm driving and I drive past on the the 'Cross Streets' ... that gets me. I still can't drive past river oaks and keep the flow of conversation going. - So that's what's on the list for tomorrow.

oh and by the way... Go Astros

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...

I missed Work For This (10/14/04)

So I went on my first interview... and no, it wasn't the really perfect job I mentioned earlier. That one has been filled, but witch such an extremely high turn-around rate, I really haven't abandon all hope on it just yet...
No, this time I went in to interview with CSC Advertising. Nice place, friendly people. 3 Job openings. Sales.. more Sales and Administrative/Universal gal. (obviously not the technical term) I was given a choice on which I truly wanted to apply for..
Sales = 100% commission - with little to no training
Sales again = Management kind of position, they do fully train for. Oh and after about 16 weeks a guarantee activates so your at least going home with some kind of pay check every once in a while.
The Admisinstrative/Universal Gal'thingy = Basically a Receptionist/Secretary. Full Time, 9.50 and hour with (of course depending progress yadayadayada) raises every 2 months.. I think that's what she said - at least for a while. Very slight training, just to bring you up to speed. Your one of many a life lines for the company - that is if your good. (from the sounds of it at least) Over all if you get in, it's a pretty stable job.

So I go for choice number three.. oy, I so should have gone for choice number two. What was I thinking? I'm almost certain I blew it. Which sucks because I'm hating my current job a lil'more each day.
*SighS*
If I hear nothing by 6pm tonight, well then it's better luck next time. If I do hear something.. well that's when the real fun beings. Sink or Swim, right? If I manage this it will be a miracle. My nails were chipped - so much for the lovely paint job I laid over them. I had a really nice outfit laid out - Classic Black Skirt with White button down shirt - well pressed of course, the thin black jacket that ended right around knee length. With the Red hair and very carefully planed make-up - oh yes, the one thing I can do right... that is when I haven't misplaced a few key application tools.
And back on the subject of clothing, what I set aside was not going to work well, given the warmed weather coming up all of a sudden - most of you who live in Houston and wake up as early as I do, know that it was much cooler outside earlier today. So I had to change it quickly; ended up in a red sleevless turtle neck with subtle accent lines running vertically along the fabric. Suede pants, black of course and then basic maroon shoes - more of a wine color I would say my self. - not bad, but still *ACH* compared to what I had in mind.
Then there is my resume, on closer inspection had an awkward typo in the first line of my opening objective. Basically informing them I'm looking for a Working Problem Environment. Lovely. Not my typo, but I take full responsibility. Luckily - I think it wasn't brought up.. yet.
Oh an when they asked me on a scale of 1- 10 what my communication skill are like... my mind goes straight to the "But These Go All The Way to 11". So what do I say? About 5 maybe a 6.. I'm sure they improve more as I become more familiar to the job at hand.
Though I'm not sure if that even came across right. My main goal was to come across as very willing. Ready for something new and again very willing to take on anything to improve my skills in the work place.

Yeah... I know I blew it.

Oh and then I went the wrong way down the freeway and lost about 30 minutes on my drive back.

Well folks, the world waiting *shivers* just 2 more hours to go... *sighs*

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....

Solitary Thoughts (10/11/04

Today was a good day. I actually had to sit back an reevaluate my life in the presence of well, on hell-of-a critict. A woman who could make of break me, to a certain extent. Today I 've had a few doors open.. and a good deal more slam in my face.

So with that said;
The following Post is brought to you by the makers of 'Disappearing Floors' - "Just enough - for that just trust." and the creators of R&R also known as Reality Rollercoaster - fasten those seat belts, kiddies!

Redefining Battle
Love vs Life

Imagine the following; Confusion, headaches, stomachs, stress beyond believe, is he/she worth it? Am I worth it? And exactly what is enough? Ten Seconds from a two weeks notice with no where to turn. Roof begining to cave in while the walls around you shrink. The answer is right in front of you, but the means is no where in sight. Things that should be stable are not and what is good one moment is soured by the next....

Then Imagine to follow; Deep breathes, clear thinking, weight lifted, burdens relieved. Trying again, with a good chance to win - and if he/she is worth it or further more are you is no longer the case, one life to live few chances to love and what the hell is fate anyways? Taking the bad news, cleaning to the good news, because fate and faith aside, in a world with out power or wonder good still prevails over evil right? Stability is something achieved with a smile. Longshot or not, reason aside, your here for a reason - but what as to why?

Now Imagine; Chin up, keep the smile on that face - nevermind reality buckling about you. Stablilty is quickly becoming a mother goose rhyme. Your positive energy at which is developed upon request seems to be slowly outed just as it was reigned in. And who's fault is it? How could you know, when the rest of the world that surrounds you, smiles simply saying. "Oh.. no..."

Enough rhyming and babbling. There are some points to be made.

There is nothing new under the sun.
Solitary thought is a fantasy, every idea you have has already or soon will be conceived by a total stranger outside your world, it's just a matter of action - we all have the gift of thought, nothing unique there. the real gift is the gift of choice.
Stability is a fairy tale.
Classically put, life isn't fair.
Don't pray for what you want... don't even meditate on your desire. The only thing you can rely on in this world is what you need, further more you can always rely on being constantly oblivious to your own needs and reminded constantly of it, so.
Never worry about the worst happening when your life is to good, ten to one the burn will come at the moment before you are there.
Progress is frequently misdiagnosed.

The only real task at hand, the only real purpose in life is to move from Point A to Point B, while trying to learn a few things in between and if you have the time to keep some fun waiting on the side lines, for those moments when no one of any real importance is actually looking.

Are these few thoughts right? Wrong? Is it a divide... and if so how even?

LOVE vs LIFE
To a point we all spend our lives redefining our lives.
Different times call for different amounts of investment.
Still like it or not, it's a game we all play. So in a show of hands, in the game of redefining, what is easier? Life, a game we play alone. Or Love, the game we play with another.
The difference, the game of life is one player. The game of love is the game of life with a 2 play option. Is it fair to asking something of another when we are already in content construction of our selves. As a rule of thumb the average person is very unlikely to make a choice based on another's point of view.

So when love comes to town, there are a choices to be made;
Independence - honestly, let it work until it doesn't. Who are you to seek happiness in another?
Unity - Shots are no longer to be made or had. You see worth and value in one another, and above all promise. Fate and Destiny aside. Happiness is worth constructive criticisms.

Forgive me.. I ramble :}

Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out... Wave On...

know what I mean (10/10/04)

I feel like dumb-ass....

You know those times when you do something - that you and most anyone would think be something that would improve the current state your caught up in... which is obviously a bad state to be in, other wise there would be no reason to do anything, because you don't fix what isn't broken, right?
anyways....
so you do this thing to try and make something that's bad.. better. And you do this so sure of yourself... maybe it's not a cure all, but it has to be an improvement right? I mean at least it's a F#%*ing effort.
And when you do this, and the recipient.. well you think he -and or - she would be happier for it.. or at least.. at the very least respond to the effort, if only because they really have nothing better to do. But no.. no...
the reply you get.. the response to your effort is..
not right now..
you should have called.....
I would but....
and the icing on the disappointment cake is, your entire reasoning for the effort is drived souly because they felt you were in some way defective.. or whatever...
This effort was actually an attempt to improve upon your self, because lets face it, one way or the other.. deep down inside, maybe they aren't entirely right, but to some extent they do have a point.. so you pull your self out of whatever the place is your sunken into... and when you move to the 'second' half of the attempt.. you know the taking action attempt..
In some proverbial way you get a door slammed into your face, a you should have called.. which automatically places the fault on your shoulders.. not that to a point they aren't right...
They are.. You should have called.
Silly us, taking action.. inspired by people who 'live in the moment'. And not calling first.. even if we/you know that all they are really doing is taking a late evening nap... why?
Afterglow of something that may have been the start of the problem almost 24 hours prior....

So your left sitting aside at a computer, doing nothing while that person sleeps or does whatever.. and why? Because you honestly have nothing better to do.. and if you go back to where you once came... well you go back to a place where your 'F*#$ Up' is obvious to someone outside your self.. so you sit and suffer silently, re evaluating your life to try and figure out in the end... who's really right about you....

Know what I mean?

Yeah... Dumb-Ass....

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On...
God I Miss Him
*sighs*

Up and Atom...

Ok Starting off...
'TAXI' is actually a pretty funny movie. Now I'm not about to give it an A rating or five stars, but considering I got in for free, I must say unlike some other sneak peeks I've sat through, this wasn't all that disappointing. And I will say that unlike some other movies that feature fast cars, this one wasn't soooo bad. The tricked out Crown Victorian (the taxi) takes it to the edge of bad, but not exactly over board. Maybe I'm just easily entertained.
Jimmy Fallon reminds me (look wise and in this movie) of someone I know.. and for anyone who guess who that is right off the bat let me say again, look wise, not personality wise - at least not in this role.
Then Queen Latifa, who of which, lets face it, I love. As an actress, not so much for my choice in music, but she's bold and I like bold. Of course her character Belle, reminds me so much of my last driver, Angel - that really helped carry the movie over in my mind. Funny is Funny, but Funnier when you relate. I'm just thankful that the average Special Needs Bus can't top over 70 miles an hour :P.
So if you have seen everything else there is to see, and are just that bored, then check it out. You might just be to type to like it - maybe not love it, but like it is very much possible and for the guys, well I'm straight as a board, but even I have to admit the 'Bad Girls' in this movie are Bad Ass and just, to coin a phrase... DAMN. Lets face it, I know what I know, and what I know is good looking people.

Oh, by the way, Thanks to DJ, for standing in line for over an hour to see it with me.

So my financial situation has a shot at turning around, and as it turns about it can also effect so many other areas of my life, a change for the good. And it's about damn time!
I might find myself here pretty soon up for a job that is full time, pays a minim of 15.00 an hour at most 20.00 an hour - and yeah, keep in mind that right now I'm making roughly 7.75 an hour - part time, so yeah this is awesome. Adding on to that, it's in the Galleria area. after just six months this go from best to better.(trust me after working in the fields I have, that makes sense.)
And here is the best part, it's an office job, and it really only requires me to me able to count from 1 to 100 and accept and send out faxes. And even though I'm not really being referred, the man who sets my resume down on the HR's desk, well lets just say, I'm sure it will at least get a glance over - and I hope it'll get me an interview.
My God, I really could use this. Doubles my yearly income.
It could mean paying off the PEARL, getting caught up all around and getting out of the house. And no more long or short yellow buses.. Waaaahooooo!
So please folks, fingers crossed.

As far as the rest of my life, currently. I'm spending tonight and all day tomorrow alone :[ . Yeah I hate it too. I don't want to sit at home, but a choice I really don't have to much of. Of course I'll call Jonesy, but it looks like mostly just me sitting at home and bugging the hell out of my long distance friends. HA! YOU"VE BEEN FOR WARNED!
As far as Sunday goes; I'm going out with DJ to the Rice Harvest festival *shivers*. To make some connections - no not for me. Lets face it, in business Friends help Friends.
Monday... well plans were canceled, so outside of an appointment I must keep around lunch time - it's a day off for me, so what-ever, when-ever, who-ever.

UP AND ATOM... I'M OFF!!!!
.... To do absolutely nothing...but here we go!

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...

and the walls are crumbling down.... (or so it seems)

Whatever Tomorrow Brings...
Spiral Out...
and
Wave On...

Brick Walls

Ok.. so.. I may not be on as much as I normally am..
If anyone from the "groups" reads this - please forgive me, but my online life just hit a temporary road block - I'm posting on this site because - well killing birds with the stones I have.
For everyone else ... if there is anyone else...

I had allot I wanted to say - mostly about social status and odd taste in music.
And some stuff on Metaphysics - good stuff or so I thought....
Some stuff about - well allot about many things...

But I'm not.. I've been trying to keep the chin up attitude about everything.. but despite grand efforts (well maybe not so grand... I thought they were pretty grand.. maybe not...) I keep running into theses brick walls - much like the one up now screwing with my online life... Honestly, how the hell do some of ya'll (not necessarily people I know personally) build theses things so damn fast.

I don't know, maybe I'm losing my edge.. I know I've lost my energy - well that is the little bit I've gained back since losing Russell. What I do have is being crammed into the task of finding either a really good 9 to 5 sort of mindless office job - or a sucky-ass (yeah I said it) part time job at the local 5 and dime or whatever you want to call it - y'know the bargain bins blow out lots that wouldn't know high stress if it walked in and - and I know that could go into something funny or at least smirk worthy, but I'm not that creative.. well not right now.

Time to get back to life....

Whatever Tomorrow Brings.. Spiral Out... Wave On...

Example and Lesson...

So I attended not one, but two birthday parties yesterday. One for my Sister - Happy 13th BTW.
And the second for some guy who I really don't know, but a friend of mine was going to one of his boss' birthdays - or something like that and invited me along. Basically it was a studio building filled with about - I don't know, about 50 of the biggest names in realestate, and design and advertising and the list just goes on and on and on... all very well to do - aren't hurting for anything where money is concerned. And all really laid back kind of people - well most of them.
Well..... Over all that night I hadn't had much to eat and I admit what I did have on my stomach wasn't the best thing to mix with a little rum and coke, but I figured one drink wouldn't hurt - about half way through this one drink I begin to feel a bit dizzy. I had hardly eaten that day and I wasn't very hungry - but still empty stomach and a drink of any kind can't have the worlds greatest results - and in my case it didn't. Did I also mention that I was already on the tired side. So here I am at this party - surrounded by the kind of people I really really need to connect with and I'm a bit dizzy - not stumbling around dizzy, but y'know.
And anyone who knows me, knows I can be a bit antisocial - maybe if I had known ahead of time that I would be attending such a party - I knew I was attending a party, I just wasn't aware of what names made the guest list, or more importantly one of the few reasons I was even invited in the first place was so I would have a shot at making some important connections. *eyes roll w/sigh* If I had been forewarned, then maybe I would have gone the extra effort to look a bit more professional, or prepared myself. Or at least laid off the drinks of any kind.
And the annoying thing is, that I was still expected to go out, socialize - never mind the headache, which by this point I had, and the dizziness, which at this point had become much worse, though I hadn't began to stumble just yet.
So after making one very weak connection I retired to The Pearl, and spent the next one or two hours - I lost count after the first 15 minutes, laying in the Pearl, waiting on my friend to finish up with his own hobnobbing. On the way back to his place - one thing lead to another and it was somewhat decided that the nights further plans were to be canceled - well my side of the plans at least, and I drove home, instead of ridding shot gun towards Magnolia for some camping at the REN Festival. I was disappointed, but not that much.
I get home just in time to see my sister's birthday really getting underway - so Of Course I head straight to my room and attempt to fall asleep - this is about 11:00 pm...
The noise from my sisters 13th b-day bash keeps me awake, and hidden in my room until 3:00 am ...
By the time the house begins to fall asleep, I'm now past the point of sanity and slipping fast into a heavy case of insomnia....
About 5:30 am, I pass out thanks to some heavy shots of throat burning liquor - but still wake up, much to early....

What is to be learned from this Post?
If your my friends and you ask me to join you to go anywhere - and you expect me to do one thing or another or look one way or the other or whatever - tell me ahead of time. I appreciate any help I can get -honestly I do. But for the love of God and all that is right and wrong in this world; Tell Me Ahead of Time... Because the Pearl is comfey - but not that comfey.

(sorry for any miss spells - spell check is actin'strange)

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On....

Funny Guys

I went to go see Stephen Lynch and Mitch Hedberg last night.
By The Way; Thanks C.M. - awesome night!
I could sit here and tell you all how much Stephen Lynch rocked! Blasphemy all around!
I could sit here and tell you about how gifted Mitch Hedberg still is with almost pointless shit which all of a sudden sounds funny when he points out the obvious - Very few men can pull that off, the rest of you come across as sort of - well in honor of Mr. Lynch - Special.
I could tell you all that and more, but why? You should already know this by now. And if you don't know who Stephen Lynch and/or Mitch Hedberg is - then by God! Educate your selves. Both have CD's out right now.
Though Fair warning - Stephen Lynch is not the man to go with if you are offended by anything - and I mean just that Anything. And If you extremely hard to amuse - then maybe Mitch isn't you kind of act. In which case I suggest getting a life. Surly - If you read this site? You'll like at least one comic or the other.

For now, I think I'm going to tag along with my Mom everywhere this weekend that I possibly can, unless one of you rescues me from boredom. I don't want to sit at home - it's to depressng need a distraction and this weekend the group I normally seem to hangout with have split for the realms of fantasy and delight. Why am I not joining in? Well I'm told, I'm not ready for such a journey - and I admit I don't really see camping out at Ren Fest during the opening weekend to be the brightest idea ever, I've never been, but common sense is common sense. Still I wont go as far to say as I'm not 'ready' for it, I'm just dodging the idea for a laundry list of reasons that do not include 'I'm Not Ready'.
Soooooo.... any how - I guess I have time on my hands and a desperate need to do something with it. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

Whatever tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out...... Wave On.....

Pat Green, Fairies and Many Thanx

Oh My God! Best Weekend of September, I mean Hands down. .... Ok so I am going to see the Steven Lynch and Mitch Hedgeberg (sp?) show this Thursday - but that's technically still the week, so I can justly say that this has been the best weekend in September...

Friday night I went out, poking along the cement seas of Houston with DJ/Donovan with honestly nothing better to do. Then about 10:00 o'clock I get a call from Jonesyand suddenly worrying what movie to rent at the video store just didn't hold my interest. So he and I jump in The Pearl (which has new tires BTW) and head off to meet up with Jonesy, I think we only hung out for about 2 hours, but it's been a while and :] I had such a good time, Laughing and talking and laughing and .. well you get it. It was the first time DJ ever sat down with both Jonesyand I and well - He made it out alive, no more emotionally F****d up then he was before. No long term damage from the exposure if any :].

The SATURDAY! I spent all day Saturday in College Station - yes, Aggie Country. I know,now your probably asking, Oh my God - Why? Well Thursday, DJ, surprised me with 2 tickets to see Pat Green, as the Top Biller for the AGG KickOff. I've never been so close to the stage - well as far as Pat Green shows go, I mean anyone who's been to the Rodeo knows that deep down inside, there really are no good seats, there are better seats, but no real good seats. I mean I could see his facial expressions with out a giant back drop screen. He went on after 3 other performers - we arrived early, standing room only, but you still want good 'seats'. I think he must have played for like 3 Hours at least. I even left the show early - due to the fact poor DJ, who is allot of things, but a Pat Green Fan, is not one of them. Looked like he was about to either lose his mind, which isn't good for anyone, or fall asleep and I honestly didn't know the way home, so I surffice with the 2 to 2-in-a-half hours of pure Pat Green Texas Music and headed on home. I'm sure I missed SouthBound 35 and Wave On Wave - did that on purpose. And there is a slim chance I missed Dancehall Dreamer, which is probably my second if not tied for first, favorite Pat Green - hell Favorite Song ever, but he already played so many other older songs, So I'm just going to pretend I didn't miss it and smile along. At the show I sang my heart out like everyone else. The only song I didn't know all the words too, was one of his up coming album "Lucky One" or "The Lucky Ones" - due out October 19th, BTW - so no one else did either :P
All I can Really say now is Pat Green Rocks and THANK YOU!! DONOVAN (dj) I really needed that, and I so owe you one.

Sunday night wound down to Sleeping all day and Invader Zim (second season) and Pizza! I for one voted for Tacos. But Oh such Tacos, they would not give. So I settled for Pizza and Flat Coke. While laughing and trying not to prick my fingers with a damn sewing needle while securing Ger Patches onto DJ's Tragdor, hoody.

Outside of that - I'm trying to figure out, now that I am being forced to Camp out at the Renaissance Festival at least one weekend, which one it should be and why and what to bring and all that other good stuff. Honestly the entire idea freaks me out. At least the thought of the First Weekend - The Meteor Shower Weekend - and the Last Weekend - I mean - well I don't know. I'm going to go for at least one weekend - I have too, I promised I would - Well if nothing else I bet I'll leave with a big smile to back my 'I Told You So!'.

For Now: *stumbling around a messy house, cleaning while singing along "I'm Just An Old DanceHall Dreamer, Living My Life In The Past, Holding on to Dreams and Slow Moving Trains... And I Don't Know How Long I can Last.." Thank you Pat Green :] *

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On....

Higher Pay - Minimal Experience and Fairies

I think I'm trying to find a new job. I'm thinking maybe something where I work in a office like environment, doing work that redefines 'mindless' or 'mindnumbing' - and if at all possible, do so and make more money at it then what I'm doing now. And that last part isn't exactly hard.
Working very hard for very little, it's been a bit of a theme with my JOB choices. Not like I meant for the record to sum up like that - just amazing what the past 5 years of our lives become when we really aren't looking...
So I'm searching in Houston, just taking a look in the papers and online - just to see what there is to be seen. I might even check up on Longview - yes it's a very small place, but I do have family there. I also love San Antonio, But - and I never thought I would say this, but Dallas and Austin, might be worth looking into... Well maybe Dallas.. Austin kind of like all the work I could actually maybe apply for there is probably already handled by magical intern fairies. For the time being, I'm still really leaning towards Houston. I actually have friends here still, so maybe I could at least find a room mate I can semi trust.. cancel that thought - I don't really play nice enough with anyone for that. :P
So I guess Houston is good, because the handful I have left - are still good for quick lunches and Friday night hanging.
I also just remembered I have a really good friend in Georgia.. who knows.. Though I really can't see leaving Texas for an 'eastern southern' state.

Soooo October is on it's way. Opening weekend of Renaissance Festival.. if your into that kind of thing - I use to think I was, but then I met people who make me look like a tourist - soooo yeah. I'm sure I'll spend one day out there, maybe late October. A cat managed to destroy my 'Costume' so I'm thinking; Jeans, boots - possible leather, Fashionable Fall Sweater or tank top, with an old denim or vintage leather jacket and then just pulling my hair back, and letting the elf ears pass the subtle hints that I actually like being there. Then my Lil' Sisters birthday is also the first weekend - My mom's thinking Haunted Houses and Pizza Place. And I think there might be a Party going on somewhere that weekend Also - jeepers what a tough choice.
The real Killer is that there is also the FallFanDango - Pat Green along with many other good Texas Music names. All Day Long. I have two chances to see them.. assuming this next pay check allows it.
*Crosses Fingers*
I really don't want to have to wait until next years Rodeo - of course Pat Green will have other shows. It's just a matter of when and where and How Much and Can I? - Ooooh I can't wait for that new CD to come out - whenever it actually does.
Oh and Yes - Halloween! Any body doing anything? Any parties? Any get to gethers? Any loners amongst my friends just looking for something to do, but sit at home and pass out candy to rotten poorly dressed children? I mean how many Yugiohs and Spider-Mans and Power Puff girls - can you really stand for one night?


Outside of all of that? My main emotion this week has been neutral. Last week was happy, this week was 'Agh'. Which I'm ok with. I never asked for happy, I'm not about to complain about a neutral 'Agh'.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....

Slow Weekend

My little world is kind of boring right now.
I'm still going through Waves - I watched Meet Joe Black for the first time yesterday.. and well of course that brought on some waves. That and after a few hit and miss conversations with some friends who didn't have a clue where I was coming from or what my life was like previous to last August. So yeah what a wavey day yesterday was.

Oh but on the bright side - I went to the Galleria. And Hot Topic was having the 50% off the clearance price. I actually ended up with 2 tanktops, one Black with pok-a-dot accents halter top. And here is the real out-of-my-style buy; a black mini skirt - with pleats and yellow plaid accents. I have no idea where I'm going to wear it. It was cheap, cute and yes an impulse buy. I feel it maybe a bit Avril'ish, but who cares. It's purpose will reveal it's self in Time. Keep in mind the 4 items + 2 packs of really cool note book paper equal roughly a total or 30 dollars. :]
Outside of that I spent last night hanging out and watching Invaders Zim, with a friend and doing that 'Happy' thing again. I could get used to this. Take on the waves as they come - and believe me they do. Not a second where at least one part of my mind isn't in constant devotion to Russell and every now and then something prays on that portion. But maybe it's not such a bad thing when I can have a few hours every evening to just breathe and love being alive - all things considered.

Outside of that, It's now Sunday and who knows where this day will take me. I know all to well that ones life can change in a moment. And there hasn't been a constant breeze about this side of Texas since the Summer began.

oh on a side note - I don't really see me getting the chance to see Pat Green in either Selma Texas or Houston Texas this October - unless I can still snag good seats come next pay check in 2 weeks. Which is entirely possible given the fact that the tickets in Selma are still really good for the price. Either way I will see Pat Green before the year is up.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...

http://dailyfoo.com/?i=1772

feel great... Because honestly - what do you really have better to do.....

songs around my head

Ok, so you know roughly what I did last weekend. For the past three days I'll give another run by. Much shorter.. I hope...

Tuesday: Discovered that the DVD's at Hollywood Video, titled DEAD LIKE ME are actually very good. I'm still looking up more information and I will promise to bring you more on it soon, but in the mean time if your looking for something to watch, and if you like dark humor, pick up any one of the first seasons collection and enjoy, cause I know you will. Later in the evening, I was slightly shanghaied again - this time I was held at the Ice House. A bit of drama... lots of boredom and those who know me best know that once I become board it's not that far of a stretch for me to move into mean - sharpened tongue and all. The night ended... and I use that term loosely.

Wednesday: Some how I managed to get through my day at work with out getting fired, despite the fact I ran my first shift on about an hour-and-a-half of sleep. I did the smart thing and took the Pearl everywhere I went so that way I could get home at a slightly more decent hour.

So now it's THURSDAY. And who knows what is instore. More time watching Dead Like Me, on a friends couch with some carry out or delivery close at hand to surfice the need for munchies? Maybe. Another day of trying to figure out my new Cell Phone - yes I have finally began to catch up with the rest of the world...

A bit less of what I do and a bit more of what and/or who I am...

For the past two nights in a row I have experienced moments where I have felt happy. And I mean truly happy. And it has lasted for more then a passing moment. When this happens I look at where I'm at, who I'm with and what I'm doing - and honestly I have no real reason to feel Happy. Now that's not to say I should feel awful and constantly down in the dumps - and that's not to say I'm un happy with being happy. I think it's just odd - to feel happy for no reason. I guess I'm really just getting back to living. The waves of course still come. Some days are far worse then others.
Speaking of waves, I heard Wave On Wave, while I was driving home late Tuesday or rather Early Wednesday... and it came on right after It's Your Love, and the first verse in Wave On Wave is.. or rather the opening line is; "This Road That I Am Upon Has No Direction" And later, right before the song reaches it's first chorus the lyrics read "So Caught Now Up In Pretending, What We're Seeking Is The Truth... I'm Just Looking For A Happy Ending - All I'm Looking For Is You." ... I swear this song gets me. I mean it's not even my favorite Pat Green song.. Not Even close. Every time I turn around it hits me from a new perspective.
I guess my real point is every time I turn around there is a song playing on the radio or in the back ground to one of the scenes that make up my life that echoes Russell and my time with him. Like 'our' song, if I had to pin one down was probably 'My Song' by Elton John. - I think it's called My Song... maybe Your Song...oh well. Anyways so I could go forever without hearing it on the radio - now I here it like at least once a week. And Pat Green's Take Me Out To A Dancehall.... I heard it for the first time of the Radio the other night... Donna Luis; I Love You Always Forever... which has a very small tie in to a memory, but still I had gone forever without hearing it, and all of a sudden, I heard it 3 times in the last week or so. And there is so much more, and I dodge many songs - Never Godsmack of course. I always turn up the volume when they come on, nice and loud - pump up the base a bit. It's kind of like what happened in the issue of SandMan, where he goes to pay a visit to John Constantine - I don't know, I think that's right. And sometimes the weight of the waves will crash down upon me and pull me under.. and some times they lift me up.

I don't know - Just some random thoughts. I'm good at that.

Whatever Tommorow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On

Four Long Days

I think I have some things to say, but before I get to the longer drawn out stuff, I'm going to give a quick run by on what I have been doing with the past four days of my life, just a short reference, for those who read this to see where I've been, Who I've been with, and Where I'm going to be...

Friday: Well after the long woe-is-me bull shit I loaded my last post down with, I went out to meet DJ, for diner and a movie. Diner took place at Hooters - yes we are a classy bunch. I will say they do have good sandwiches and DrPepper, but honestly I've never had so many barley dressed women 'bump' into me so many times in one down noted evening. I'm really just glad I was facing the wall, looking at the same 4 pictures over and over again, every once in a while turning my head to scope out which ever waitress my dining partner was eyeing from moment to moment, if only to argue the pros and cons of Their hotness. You would be amazed how the interest levels rises and drop when you actually force someone to really study their eye candy, rather then allowing them (or in some cases your self - cute guys do eat there too ) to be satisfied with the over all appeal.
Then the Movie! Resident Evil: APOCALYPSE. I know it's not exactly my kind of movie, but DJ has this thing for Mila Jovanovich, the leading lady playing Alice. And even though there were no really hot guys in the movie, I fell head over heals for the look of Jill Valentine, I'm seriously considering the hair cut. All things aside, I liked this movie.
I have nothing to really compare it to, so maybe that's why so far I like it.
I have never seen the first, I think I'm doing that tonight, so expect a review with in a day or so.
We caught the really really late showing, so I was a bit surprised to wake up the next morning on DJ's couch, apparently we had both passed out from sheer exhaustion.

Saturday: Picking up where Friday left off, I ended up spending the Lazy Saturday hanging out with DJ & R of R&R. *smirks*
Sorry, couldn't resist.
After diner, the four of us; R&R, DJ and yours truly headed out to some western bar in Pasadena. Drinks and Dancing. Well Drinks.. after all I can't dance all that well. Now I could go into some really entraining detail here.... But I'll spare you all.If only for the sake of those who had just a few more drinks the I did that night.

Sunday: The first half of Sunday is all about recovering from the second half of Saturday. Well helping others Recover. Which includes colorful recaps of "You'll Never Guess What You Don't Remember!"
The second half of Sunday on the other hand was spent again Bar Side. Muchless drinking then Saturday's run, given Monday starts the new work week. But what really made Sunday night wasn't the expensive shots of vodka or pool games, but rather the company. Again I was out with DJ, R&R, but also with a few other friends of theirs. Like one man inparticular who works with some pretty big names in the country music industry. One half of the group is talking about Photography.. which I know nothing about. The other half is sharing stories about Kenny Chessney and Tim McGraw like these guys were just your average Joe Hang-Outs. I stand alone between the two, lil' miss Mystery, her self - quite, but not nearly intriguing enough. Taking part in neither conversation.
Yes - I realize how stupid I am for not jumping in on the Country Music conversing, more so given the fact that most of the songs I write are country themed (or rather Texas Style) and more so given the fact that after I get my Guitar - I was actually planning on trying to maybe do something with 'it'. Which means mostly looking at years of smoke filled third rate bar rooms, that is of course if I possess even a slight amount of talent. We shall see.
stupid.. Very Stupid. But what's done is done. If that's an opportunity I was meant to take, then maybe it will come up again.. maybe not. That just wasn't a connection I was prepared to make at this time.
Stupid.... yes I agree....

Monday: Back to work..
My cell phone finally arrived and I am now finally on my way to catching up with the rest of the world - about damn time.
I watched a movie called Anarchest Cook Book, deals with anarchy and stuff. I really didn't expect to enjoy it, but I did. I mean maybe I'm just amused easier as the weeks go by. Either way it held my interest longer then Bad Santa.


OK, so I still have stuff to talk about, but for now I'll leave this as it is, Expect more post in the near future. This one is already to long.

Here We Go...

So wow..
I can already see it's going to be one of those weekends.
Then again It's already been one of those weeks.

I went out and bought the Pat Green 'Here We Go' live CD - that man can do no wrong, musically speaking of course - I shouldn't have spent the 13 bucks, but I know exactly what kind of weekend I'm in for, and I figured I would need it, and I already have the rum, so sounds like a promising weekend.

I try to take life as it comes at me, take the bad - and there has been allot of bad - as it hits me and chalk it up to one more step to having this lesson learned. I take the good - I try to enjoy it as much as I can for the moment I have it, because like the song goes "All The Good Things Fade Away". I try not to let opportunities pass me by, but I do take on each one with a grain of salt. (Honestly that may not be the right saying, but WTFC) I recently learned what it means to Jump In With Both Feet, But Don't Jump The Gun. I'd like to think I may have started to live with this as my guide and Jer. 29:11 as my reminder tomorrow is something to wake up to.
*SIGHS*
Still last night.. or rather this morning showed me that be it the 'Above' saying, or Carpedem (Sp? like I so care at this point) ... It only serves you if you hold to it, stead fast and strong. If you don't... If I don't then I become what I am now;
Out of Luck, but I'm used to that. Out of time...And I admit, honestly half the time:
I haven't a cubs shot at the world series -
A snowballs chance in hell -
a cowboy's chance on a pirate ship -
at achieving even a moments window of a shot at most of the things I want.

And no I'm not talking career wise.. I actually know what I want to do now. Sort of. And yes, I'm sure it's probably as out of odds as everything else I seem to think about, but who cares? As long as I make enough to get by, I can keep myself occupied with life long dreams.

I'm sure to have a good life.. I will see to that one way or the other, I will not die thinking 'Damn It!'.This isn't about how much my life sucks.. because it's annoying sometimes, and hell yeah it'll get me down if I let it, but I'm doing that 'breathing' thing - so I might as well do that 'Living' thing. So I'm not going to jump right to the 'Sucks' as a defining word.

This is just about a wake up call, for me...
NOW What Do I Do With It?

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On....

Seriously:
Should I take this lesson, chalk it up to well learned and write it off as better luck next time. While spending the rest of my life holding back and second guessing - you know like commen sense has us do...
or
Should I take this lesson, chalk it up to well learned and write it off as better luck next time, but begin to live it up, brazzing & bold? (in which case I feel sorry for you guys :] )
OR
Should I take this lesson, chalk it up to well learned and screw the better luck next time and actually try to save what's left of the handful of things that are about to pass me compeletly by...
OR
Really say screw it all, and finish up catching up, and pack my bags, WEST TEXAS bound..

come on anyone out there.. what'll it be?

Frio and Astros

So it rained about 50% or more of the time, when I was away in Garner. Mostly in the middle of the night and in the mornings. Still I managed to get a nice uneven sun burn on my legs anyways. Trading in the old 'sock' tan for the new and improved 'cheap tenni shoe' tan line. *sighs* Pigmentation comes at such an initial painful cost. Time flys when your tubing down a cool river. As well, my jeep has finally started to recover from the rain and river water that has kept it smelling musty these past two long sunny days home. Honestly the burning skin and stinky jeep are only the tip of my camping experience iceberg....

FRIDAY! I clock out of work with a smile. In about an hour or two, I would be on my way to pick up DJ and we would be off for a long weekend in Garner, along side the Frio River. I was extactic as I'm sure some of ya'll already have read. After a few short 'Ello's to his family, and he and I are off! I-10 West Bound. And of course I'm driving. I had allot of stuff I wanted to think about and I really didn't feel ready to hand the wheel over just yet. Traffic just outside of Katy was horrific! And yes, that's West Bound outside of Katy. Can You Imagine? And, I'm so glad that I did decided to drive, because I have patience, and well DJ simply dose not. (sorry DJ if your reading this, but that is no news to you.)
Eventually Trafic lets up and we are on our way. Radio on, no coversation.. I wanted to think, but I couldn't.. maybe a side effect to knowing a long drive ahead of me. Honestly I think we both had long days, so the silence was nice.
Fast forward about 3 to 4 hours... Apparently when my mind shifts into an over-drive and my nerves begin to reck, I quickly begin to lose what little 'good driving' skill I have. So I didn't mind pulling over and giving over the wheel. It gave me a chance to take in the breath taking night sky. Diamonds in the black abyss. We finally arrive at the camp sites, grab an open spot and pitch up the tent and such.. (keep in mind I haven't done this in 11 years) And plan to register the next morning to preserve our spot.
Morning comes! The Jeep's dead...
We drained the battery the night before setting up our camp. Finding help is almost impossible.
And then the really good news comes: Someone else is asigned the site we are at, so that means moving one spot over, in the rain... across fire ant beds and chiggers (I hope that's the right name for the painful, evil, bastard son of mother earth).
On the upside, the people now moving us on are helping us recharge the Jeep's battery.. which due to inadequacy in the cable size, is about as much of a waste of time as trying to stay dry while setting up our camp for the second time around. Luckily by the time we finish, another helpful neighbor camper, loans us his jumper cables and we finally start off down the road towards the Wal*Mart - an hour-and-a-half away. Never turning the jeep off as we go along our way, including our short stop off to confirm our reservations at the camp site, which were lost in the mix up of things... oh and yes it gets better.
By the end of the day, we have managed to recharge the battery, Secure our site and reservation - and after a quick nap we head out to the Dance.
Yes - THE DANCE! It's a weekend thing that takes place out in Garner. People come from the 5 to 50 surounding towns, to gather for some two-stepping to the sounds of a juke box pumping out - and this is the best part - Good Texas Music. I mean Pat Green, George Straight, Dericks Bentley, Chad Creagur (sp?'s all around) and so on and so forth. - I love it!
Until I reach the realization that I can't 2Step and DJ can't 'spin step' and even if we try to figure it out while we are there, the sight of us practicing is sure to scare away all the eligible hotties. And trust me, the good looking cowboys flow like river water on that dance floor. Obviously, I'm just looking for a good time.. after a day like that? Duh!
So the night ends with us drinking our Coke and vanilla Rum mixes while watching "Freddy Got Fingered"... due to our matching pairs of 'Left Feet'.

DAY 2! Good start off, we head out to the river. Four hours drifting along a cool river.
( "Guy Like Me" Playing through my head)
Slowly burning in the few areas, where apparently I didn't apply near enough sun screen. Another night of THE DANCE - Final night of the season.
Cowboys everywhere... and I still can't dance.
We make an attempt...
we make another attempt...
we make another attempt and
yet another one after that..
then we give up!
Head back to camp for Rum and Coke - and some nasty out door cooking - I'm no cheif.. that proves it.

DAY 3! We wake up to a rain.. rain and more rain... so we pack up in the Rain. Everything wet and dirty.
The sum up = My jeep will smell ... it will smell very bad... and it dose smell bad.

GUESS WHAT!
I FEEL GREAT!
It was exactly what I needed. Mostly needing 5 hours away from cleaning and just the same old same old.

In recent news; I went to an Astros' game last night. It was my first chance to experience the Minute Maid Park. We had good seats. We had a great deal, so drinks and cookies were called for.
The Astros' beat the Ciniatti Red's; 9 to 7.
It was sooo nice.
I loved getting back into the city,
I loved watching the game.
Oh... and I loved watching #44 pitch. Roy Oswalt. ... Yeah... Yeah... I know I know. Get used to it. I am still the Boy Crazy girl I've always been. So bring on the Johnny Depp movies and now, the Astro's games.

My fingers are tired, so I bid you all, good bye for now...

Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out... Wave On

Stars On The Water

InComing! ; The followintg post in chalkfull of wonderful typo's. I shall fix it when I return (see under para) and by the way for my Local pals' My phone is back in working condition.... I may not be around to take the calls this weekend.. if any, but I'm sure to return them promptly on Tuesday.

In a few short hours I'll be packing it up and heading out west-ward-way! Frio river camping. I haven't been camping in about 11 years. And yes that is not counting all the late nights dragging my feet around the cemeteries. Oddly enough, I think the last time I went and did the 'camping' thing was at the Frio River, and I'm told I had a good time, last time... I can't say I believe that, but never the less be it for one reason or another; I am so very excited about driving in the Jeep for 5 hours, spending the next 3 days/ 2 nights along the cool crisp river side, just me and a friend - escaping reality for one weekend. I only really get out on my own or with a friend for a weekend trip about Once a year! I so very much aim to change that. I mean day trips are a dime a dozen and provide much need get-a-way time, but sometimes 12 to 24 hours is just not enough. Maybe this will calm my reckless nature a bit - I doubt it, but at least for the few months ahead it will take me to save up the money to do anything about it, I mean that much would be most appreciated. All and all, I'm pretty sure I'll be dancing out of work come 5 O'Clock.

In other news; I know I have so much to catch up on.. on line and off line. And I hate to say it, but it looks like it might have to wait until Tuesday (see above para). Still believe it or not, but I may have actually come across an 'open door'. As elusive as these rare opportunities are and most certainly have been with me as of late, you can understand why I approach the possibility of an 'Open Door'.. and 'Opportunity Knock' with high caution. I mean no doubt it's what I've been looking for, but it's entirely possible that it's an 'open door' created with another in mind. And I'm sure we all have been in a situation where we persuade an Opportunity, a truly honest and good one, that unfortunately despite all the 'up sides' just does not work with our own personal invidual selves. In which case if it can be salvaged, must be passed along to the next more suitable occupant. - It's Ok, They Know Me Here... - Anyways, to cut through the playful word play - I wasn't having that much fun anyways - this opportunity falls in the field of Job/Career/Bussiness.. In the field of Photography. No, No I'm not about to pick up a camera or step in front of one, but my efficiency skills have been called upon, and for now - Why not? Now there is a possibility that this could lead to a real career.. I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet. I mean we are talking the prospect of eventual better pay, better hours, better work environment and so much more with the word better in front of them - Seriously I don't know how capable I am right not of handling something that could peg me down to one location for a while. I'm all for 'Resposability', but some lines must be drawn... I'm kidding of course... Slightly.

Aside from that, not to freak any readers out, but I know one or two of you might get a laugh at my expense from this:

Happiness reigns in a romantic relationship, as a commitment seems to be taking place, Lyndsey . It may be unspoken at the moment, but not for long. Your feeling of security and confidence in this relationship is not misplaced; it could well last for a long time. If you're single, a new and promising love partner may appear, perhaps someone who is older than you and successful in business. Enjoy your day.

That would be my Personal Hororscope that finds it's way into my in-box every morning. Again, I know only one or two of you would get a laugh from this given my history. If you don't get it, don't worry about it. If you do, well then theres' a laugh on me, enjoy it because I'm not the kind of person who takes or even brings on the 'Hits'.

PS: Yeah I know I miss quted the new Pat Green Song. I'll fix that next..

Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out.... Wave On

I know.. i know

Long week ahead of me. Many , many waves. I know I have like at least 3 posts full of typos that I need to fix, I'll try to do so later this week. And in hopes; I'll have much to report Monday or Tuesday. Maybe a good weekend to top of an awful week.

whatever tomorrow brings.. spiral out... wave on..

Bring it on!

Yeah, so I didn't go to sleep last night. I'm now running on about 3 hours sleep that I managed to clock in between shifts, and let me tell you; A special needs bus can feel like a Kiddie Rollercoaster brought to you by the makers of Twilight Zone - it's ok, they know me here. Honestly I don't really remember much of it, just allot of talking - stopping - jerky take offs - and all the kids were present and accounted for this morning, same conditions as I recall them from yesterday after noon, So I didn't miss out on much that might be job threatening, also given the fact that my driver was still talking to me this after noon... I think she was. I don't really recall the high school half of my run either. And yeah, I managed all this forgetfulness without the help of Sleeping Aids (which have been taken away from me :[ ) or heavy and or frequent shots of rum. Now tonight on the other hand - "DRINKS ALL AROUND!" - Of course 'All around' might only consits of myself, possibly DJ and I'll leave two open spots, because it's Friday night - I think everyone is cried out, dilusional, depressed or all of the above. - Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner!

So why was I up all night? What did I do between the hours of 5:00 pm yesterday and today's 6:05 am when I clocked in at work? What on God's green earth could cause such a call for such erratic, toxic free behavior? Well it comes down to this; The Grim Reaper.. Yes Death! The man himself has just earned the Businessman of the Year award from yours truly and yours alike! I mean, how dose he do it? Everytime we think we've seen the last of this Bone Daddy for the summer, he jumps out from behind some off hinged door and yells 'Surprise!'
*SIGHS*
I'm sorry.. I know that probably wasn't very much called for, but it's how I feel right now, Angry and when I get this kind of angry, I get that kind of Sarcastic and we already know I'm the 'Dark' Humorist of the group/crew - So deal. Don't like it? Then comment and say so. Still I am sorry and I'm trying hard not to offend anyone, but I'm so drained that I don't have the energy to try harder. Maybe tomorrow, but for now - Not so good.

Anyways (yes the rant continues; seat belts fastened?) I get home from a long day at work, by the way it was one of those everything is on my last nerve kind of days. 'Cause it's a bitter-sweet symphony, That's life, trying to make ends meet, your a slave to the money, then you die' Kind of days. And I get home and check the e-mails and check the 'Journal' sites kept up by people who are probably far more interesting then me. And I come across a 'one liner' by J.S./alpha pirate, and it's vague.. I can tell he's having a bad day, but it's been a hell of a month so, who's to say. I put it to mind and figure I'll think about it off and on for the rest of the day, then I call Jonesy, Leave a message. She calls back almost at once. We talk briefly; the previous remark.. I take a deep breath finally talk myself into stepping away from the background wall and an IM line or two later, I'm on my way to meet JS for coffee and conversations. This last 2 hours I think. A little about this, a little about that, all and all a pretty constant flow of conversations... which unless you are Jonesy or at one point Russell, lets face it, I'm usually to cut an dry to carry on a conversation past a few lines that isn't a matter of debate. I come home, I see Jonesy sitting with my mother, like three kittens in or about her lap, and I only really get to see her for about 15 or 20 minutes, but of course I cherish it now as I did in the moment. We talk mildly about what happened, we talk about where she came from, where I just got back from and yes, laughing and teasing stands as the result. And I doubt she and I have ever spent a single moment in matters of death where a macabre joke or two isn't made, old traditions with her and I. Only way we can really express our emotions when we are around each other is through making jest and pointing out the ironies and all in a way that would offend most Normal people. It's how we laugh and cry, it's how we always have, and I'll be damned if it'll change now. I walk her out to her car, more last minute poking fun at my expenses. It's all positive of course, all the trouble I'm always in for. Then I call up DJ, my mother said he had called and communication being such a highly practiced form of art for my friends and family, of course the short time on the phone between the both of them had to leave some question marks. So I call him, I was supposed to earlier anyways, but some things, the things that I did instead, in my book are things that needed doing. And after hanging up with him, finding myself wide awake and two shots of rum - no nearly enough to effect me, it never was the rum that did me in, it was always the accomplice - walking back and forth trying to decide if I should call him back, or someone else or what. The phone rings, a 'Ello and Good Bye later and I'm out the door like a bat out of hell to meet DJ for late dinner at Dennys.. needless to say neither of us were entirely hungry. We spend the rest of the night at his place talking, listening to music... talking, talking and more talking. We both had a great deal on our minds. I tend to attract others with the same Roller Coaster life styles. Or Waves if you prefer, come to think of it I do. I get back home roughly about 5:00 am, hit the shower and choke down some breakfast while reading over the comments made yesterday on my sight... No worries Jeremiah, I'm totally fluent in drunken linguistic texts, And even though I'm sure I could have said it better my self, it would not have hold the same feel, so right on!


YEAH... SO.. that was MY day, feel free anyone and everyone to comment about it or even better about yours. I am actually very curious to see how many people actually subject them selves to this stuff. I mean it's ok, they do know me here, but If I'm not alone outside my world, then my gawd, speak up and say so.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On...