I just want to take this moment to clear up about 2 an-a-half things about Love.
1) The saddest feeling/act in this world, or rather loneliest feeling in the world is not to Fall Asleep Crying, but rather To Lay There Crying As The One Who supposedly Cares Most About You In The World, Falls Asleep To Your Tears.
2) "It is Better To Have Loved and Lost - Then Never To Have Loved At All"
This statement is true for 2 reasons.
secondary 1: Because it just is.
secondary 2 (or rather the half): Because it isn't "Better to have loved greatly and lost greatly - then never to have loved greatly at all" It simply isn't worded like this, because anyone who has had a great love knows that imagining a life without that great love - well it's unthinkable to start from, but if you had to, it is surely, initially a fate worse then hell it's self. And for those who have Loved Greatly and Lost Greatly, know what that fate worse then hell is and what further lingering hell it can be trying to live out your life, moving from suitable partner to suitable partner, never dare comparing them to the 'great love' for all love is beautiful and different, yet knowing somewhere deep inside their hearts or minds drifts the lurking question, that for some in the end becomes the truth of their lives worth loathing; That they will never be loved like that again, no one will ever make them feel that way again, no great love will ever find them again.
Still we keep going, close our eyes and try to down play the memory of that love, in hopes of drudging up some kind of hope for the future, while secretly despising our selves for insult something that for even the briefest moment in history - stood as something truly amazing, and still we down play, and all we can do is hope that on our death bed we still think with the same amount of twisted logic and not with the clarity that in the end most of us do indeed have; Knowing that we have made a mockery of our lives, down playing the best thing that ever happened to us until the antidote that made life worth living transformed into the poison that causes our spirit to thrive for another, but our truest souls to rot. - We literally punish our selves for the feelings of those who might come after this great love, spare them?
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Do you ever wake up and just wonder, how the hell did I get here. Yeah I mean, if anyone really sits down and looks everything over, I'm sure he question is answered easily enough. So then the question turns from how did I get here, to Why am I here.... or even Why Me? I guess all of these question are created by our subconscious minds to force our conscious minds to either motivate or evaluate. - Now I know nothing about what I just said is new, many others have gone through these exact thoughts and handled them with a far greater talent for articulation then I will ever. Yes, alas any original idea I have ever had is scribbled in some note book and packed away deep in an ocean of moving boxes. - So anyway back to the point; I'm at one of those times in my life where such questions keep coming up. Thank God - I know I'm not the only one, still those I know with similar problems know either they now have to motivate or evaluate, one or the other. Lucky Ya'll. Me? I'm not really sure which way to go here, which course of action to take on. And not to sound lazy, but I'm afraid it's both. Which is physically and mentally exhausting. *sighs* I swear I'm not lazy. - It's just that I'm already swamped, with other stuff... alot of other stuff.
Anyways, On to something so much more worth while.
Constatine. My god, It's was worth the wait.. even though I wasn't really aware that it was even past the 'some day' category. Still even if I was, I would have been happy enough to wait years, if you've seen it then you know. If you haven't then turn off you computer and catch a showing ASAP. Reeves is sooo good. I almost forgot this was the same hottie who gave us the most excellent adventure and then go one many years and movies down the road to deliver us the WHOA that finally killed the Joey Lawrence (sp?) WAAHHHOOOAAA!
There is so much I want to say about the film... But I don't want to give even the slightest bit away. Though when the line "YOU KNOW" comes up when some of the characters are discussing the difference in Knowing and Believing in God. I mean just on a real stray thought - Is something Like FAITH devoid of it's glorious value, when it's remembered in almost a text book sticky note in a file cabinet fashion, rather then practiced?
This particular thought hits me hard, because I sometimes wonder, more now in my current life then ever - wonder if I haven't so fully turned my religious study, into a quest for knowledge that I have fully become a student of faith and human nature, rather then the curious, thirsty Christian I originally began this entire life style as.
Honestly if your a deep enough person, or twisted enough, this movie like all most all the HellBlaizer comics - will get your mind cranking out some seriously interesting and of course sometimes depressing stuff.
Anyways, on with life -
Donovan has purchased an African Grey Congo - It's day four and it's been interesting. As well things with Donovan and I seem to be improving. I'll say no more, because like with everything else in my life, I'm still waiting for everything to fall from beneath my steady balanced feet.
And tomorrow it's back to job hunting. Mostly heading out to try for a job at Sullivans. Yeah, Yeah I know, not really my style, but the cocktail waitresses are aloud to wear fishnets and other hosiery that I am so found of - so maybe it is just my style.
Wish Me Luck... I'll need it.
Anyways, On to something so much more worth while.
Constatine. My god, It's was worth the wait.. even though I wasn't really aware that it was even past the 'some day' category. Still even if I was, I would have been happy enough to wait years, if you've seen it then you know. If you haven't then turn off you computer and catch a showing ASAP. Reeves is sooo good. I almost forgot this was the same hottie who gave us the most excellent adventure and then go one many years and movies down the road to deliver us the WHOA that finally killed the Joey Lawrence (sp?) WAAHHHOOOAAA!
There is so much I want to say about the film... But I don't want to give even the slightest bit away. Though when the line "YOU KNOW" comes up when some of the characters are discussing the difference in Knowing and Believing in God. I mean just on a real stray thought - Is something Like FAITH devoid of it's glorious value, when it's remembered in almost a text book sticky note in a file cabinet fashion, rather then practiced?
This particular thought hits me hard, because I sometimes wonder, more now in my current life then ever - wonder if I haven't so fully turned my religious study, into a quest for knowledge that I have fully become a student of faith and human nature, rather then the curious, thirsty Christian I originally began this entire life style as.
Honestly if your a deep enough person, or twisted enough, this movie like all most all the HellBlaizer comics - will get your mind cranking out some seriously interesting and of course sometimes depressing stuff.
Anyways, on with life -
Donovan has purchased an African Grey Congo - It's day four and it's been interesting. As well things with Donovan and I seem to be improving. I'll say no more, because like with everything else in my life, I'm still waiting for everything to fall from beneath my steady balanced feet.
And tomorrow it's back to job hunting. Mostly heading out to try for a job at Sullivans. Yeah, Yeah I know, not really my style, but the cocktail waitresses are aloud to wear fishnets and other hosiery that I am so found of - so maybe it is just my style.
Wish Me Luck... I'll need it.
Monday, February 14, 2005
2005 (eh, not so tough)
Dear Blog,
I apologize from the depths of my enternal soul for my neglect, but in all truths? I have neglected atleast 50 to 75% of my life... If it can be placed aside or avoided it has.
It seems my string of bad luck has only continued lightly through this year. No deaths as of yet, but it's only February. The new job I had started, is well 'lost' to me. Though it seems AstroWorld might soon be accepting me into their 'hives'. I'm pressed to find a living space, and despite my best efforts to put off this above all thing, pressure for fellow peers has finally begin to collapse my world - causing me to finally sit down and form some sort of FIVE YEAR PLAN. It's still rough, but I'm sure in involves a Mazda RX7 or 8 or something.. surely used by the time I have that kind of cash for a down payment, a Macaw.. sooner then the car... Getting caught up on my comic books.. sooner then the bird... Oh and of course an eventual savings for some nice vacation somewhere that I bored a plane.
Though my relationship with Donovan is rocky, I still hope to find myself presented with a Rose(s) and if not a fine bottle of some fruit derived liquor - or fattening coco-buttery-milky moment on the lips, life time on the hips token of his 'timed' affection, then atleast a promise for a date involving Constatine, and food that is brought to your table for a tipping convince... though I'm really only hoping for the CONSTAINE part.
On a brighter side of life? I'm tweentyone now, I actually might have 1 in-a-half to 1 and-three-quarter friend count forming for my new life in the city. It's down right amazing how Bad Boyfriends, Country Classics and Reclusive Nature can bring a group of girls together.. well all of that, plus Tequila Rose, Water Moccasin, Scobby Snacks (all shots) and of course Jack. May we never let a night pass by with each other and an absent bottle of Jack. . . . Well I s'pose unattainable, Good Looking guys named Parker, helps. ( just kidding Tiger)
I'll try to get into the swing of things soon.. everything is simply up in the air right now, And I am constantly waiting for the ground to fall out from under me.
Cheers Darlings,
p.s.
Happy V DAY
I apologize from the depths of my enternal soul for my neglect, but in all truths? I have neglected atleast 50 to 75% of my life... If it can be placed aside or avoided it has.
It seems my string of bad luck has only continued lightly through this year. No deaths as of yet, but it's only February. The new job I had started, is well 'lost' to me. Though it seems AstroWorld might soon be accepting me into their 'hives'. I'm pressed to find a living space, and despite my best efforts to put off this above all thing, pressure for fellow peers has finally begin to collapse my world - causing me to finally sit down and form some sort of FIVE YEAR PLAN. It's still rough, but I'm sure in involves a Mazda RX7 or 8 or something.. surely used by the time I have that kind of cash for a down payment, a Macaw.. sooner then the car... Getting caught up on my comic books.. sooner then the bird... Oh and of course an eventual savings for some nice vacation somewhere that I bored a plane.
Though my relationship with Donovan is rocky, I still hope to find myself presented with a Rose(s) and if not a fine bottle of some fruit derived liquor - or fattening coco-buttery-milky moment on the lips, life time on the hips token of his 'timed' affection, then atleast a promise for a date involving Constatine, and food that is brought to your table for a tipping convince... though I'm really only hoping for the CONSTAINE part.
On a brighter side of life? I'm tweentyone now, I actually might have 1 in-a-half to 1 and-three-quarter friend count forming for my new life in the city. It's down right amazing how Bad Boyfriends, Country Classics and Reclusive Nature can bring a group of girls together.. well all of that, plus Tequila Rose, Water Moccasin, Scobby Snacks (all shots) and of course Jack. May we never let a night pass by with each other and an absent bottle of Jack. . . . Well I s'pose unattainable, Good Looking guys named Parker, helps. ( just kidding Tiger)
I'll try to get into the swing of things soon.. everything is simply up in the air right now, And I am constantly waiting for the ground to fall out from under me.
Cheers Darlings,
p.s.
Happy V DAY
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