So, I'm sitting at DJ's house, on his computer writing this while he watches the Sex and the City... so I'm listening to the dialogue and I'm thinking WTF mate??? It's too much like real life and lets face it, if good dialogue was all about the 'real life' tone and what have you... well then everyone would be a writer. I mean you want realistic dialogue - but there's a fine line between great dialogue and wasted paper and ink.
Anyways, so I'm not saying I hate the show, any show that celebrates fashion in such manner is pretty good. Makeup and hair - well it's a hit and miss. Very ordinary looking actors though... probably explains the dialogue.
Well, works good.. Lifes good. I hope to visit the Reagans this weekend, actually I hope to do allot of things this weekend. I know I'll write more later. This is sounding way to 'real life'. >:]
Whatever Tomorrow Brings.... Spiral Out.... Wave On....
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 22, 2004
Beholder (11/22/04)
I feel like I'm turning.. or reverting into the cold bitter person I was before Russell came into my life. Which is a terrible thing, and I can't believe it has come so far along as it has.. though it could have allot further to go, but yet I have no idea where to really start as far as fixing it.
Sure, I'm happy.
But, it's a different kind of happy.
Still good happy, but different.
I doubt I'll ever be the kind.. feel the caliber of happy that I had, that I felt during my time with him.. what may have been the full cause of my improving personality as it were - during that period. And it's true I changed any many ways - some ways may never ever change, even if I wanted them too. And yet the one change that I really really hate to lose, seems to be the one fading the fastest. When I first began dating Russell, a friend told me I was different, pegged down the change to a T' and said they liked it.. they liked this Lyndsey much more then the old.. honestly I did too. Hence the wanting to cling to it.
Still - It's slipping, I can tell that old colder or bitter way is surfacing again.. The few people around, unknowingly have shown me that much, by their fare (all things considered) reaction to my ever down spiraling outlook on everything.
I look at photos - souls captured still by familiar gifted grace. And I know why - I know the very reasons the women and men are focused on.. mostly women of course. Art history speaks volumes about the models chosen for the eternal form. And of course a side of me, still gazes upon them from an artistic point of view - I don't care what anyone thinks. I may only take part in a few crafts of skill, but an artistic eye is an artistic eye - the ability to see beauty in all matter is something every artist must share and respect. But then there is the other side.. the human side if you will, that gazes.. and it doesn't have to be a long gaze, even a glance at time is enough, that leaves me in a state of insecurity.. that under further analysis is actually a state of disappointment.
Even if I do improve again - it will never be the same... and if it's not equal, or in case of a miracle, better - then I'm looking at many years of disappointment in my self. So I can only assume that the task at hand is to simply do all that I can to lessen that weight from my shoulders, mind and view point. - Though the star maybe another paycheck off :]
I will never be the chosen focus, but at least I can try and inspire variety in the world - where there is, somewhere deep, deep within our souls, is - be it flourishing and vibrant, or small and mistaken - artists in each of us. Hence the eye of the beholder. In the end I think that's all any of us want at some given time or another. The human nature to want, even in the smallest ways to 'beheld' a bit more - or at the very least, a personally deserving amount. After all the Dental Industry would practically become graveyard if not for that bit of human nature.
I think I can... I know I can... It's just hard without direction.
Sure, I'm happy.
But, it's a different kind of happy.
Still good happy, but different.
I doubt I'll ever be the kind.. feel the caliber of happy that I had, that I felt during my time with him.. what may have been the full cause of my improving personality as it were - during that period. And it's true I changed any many ways - some ways may never ever change, even if I wanted them too. And yet the one change that I really really hate to lose, seems to be the one fading the fastest. When I first began dating Russell, a friend told me I was different, pegged down the change to a T' and said they liked it.. they liked this Lyndsey much more then the old.. honestly I did too. Hence the wanting to cling to it.
Still - It's slipping, I can tell that old colder or bitter way is surfacing again.. The few people around, unknowingly have shown me that much, by their fare (all things considered) reaction to my ever down spiraling outlook on everything.
I look at photos - souls captured still by familiar gifted grace. And I know why - I know the very reasons the women and men are focused on.. mostly women of course. Art history speaks volumes about the models chosen for the eternal form. And of course a side of me, still gazes upon them from an artistic point of view - I don't care what anyone thinks. I may only take part in a few crafts of skill, but an artistic eye is an artistic eye - the ability to see beauty in all matter is something every artist must share and respect. But then there is the other side.. the human side if you will, that gazes.. and it doesn't have to be a long gaze, even a glance at time is enough, that leaves me in a state of insecurity.. that under further analysis is actually a state of disappointment.
Even if I do improve again - it will never be the same... and if it's not equal, or in case of a miracle, better - then I'm looking at many years of disappointment in my self. So I can only assume that the task at hand is to simply do all that I can to lessen that weight from my shoulders, mind and view point. - Though the star maybe another paycheck off :]
I will never be the chosen focus, but at least I can try and inspire variety in the world - where there is, somewhere deep, deep within our souls, is - be it flourishing and vibrant, or small and mistaken - artists in each of us. Hence the eye of the beholder. In the end I think that's all any of us want at some given time or another. The human nature to want, even in the smallest ways to 'beheld' a bit more - or at the very least, a personally deserving amount. After all the Dental Industry would practically become graveyard if not for that bit of human nature.
I think I can... I know I can... It's just hard without direction.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Anywhere Else....
So one week down.. the job is great. I really don't get bit. And everything I file is electronic.. which sucks, because it's allot harder to screw up electronic file work, then the old minilla folder kind. Oh Well.. it's a job, a really good job. And I'm starting to like my co-workers more... Still listen to sad I hate everything, but you when your sick and I want to make you feel better, but lets just be friends because I'm too deep and depressing to care for any - including myself, because my Dad was there, but who the hell cares .. my problems run deeper then the same old shit... music.
But they did put some PIEBALD on.. which I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or laugh. I could only think at a times how much fun I had when I went to see them with Jealous Sound with Russell... I fell in love with piebald from the first song. Then I thought how much DJ would hate this music.
I enjoyed every minute to be honest.
Outside of that, not much is going on. The Pearl is acting up on me. So I've been driving the jeep (i'm thinking of calling it gunner... I mean name the Pearl.. can't leave the Jeep out.) My dad wants to drop the Pearl's tank.. I think, given the problem relates to a gas gage thingy... yep I know cars *rolls eyes*
I want to go see Finding NeverLand.... but I have diner plans with DJ that involve other couples... one married and one engaged.. yeah this should be entertaining. And it's not like you can catch a late showing. In Houston the only showing anywhere is at 7:30.. it's playing at about a half a dozen cinemas around town, but all only 7:30 showings. So I'll have to catch it Sunday or some time during the week after work... of god I'm rambling.
So seriously where Movies are concerned, if you haven't seen the Incredibles get off your ass and go see it. It is one of the most breathtaking movies I have seen in a long time. It's positively sunning.. so go see it, then hurry back and comment on how right I am and just how much it really rocks. It was brought to life by the same man responsible for the Iron Giant. Brad Bird. You can read all about it in the new issue of Disney Magazine (winter 2004 - 2005) - and that's the DISNEY MAGAZINE.. not the Adventures. If you love animation, I highly suggest picking up an issue. Oooh, Disney and if you can find it TOON MAGAZINE.. if you find toon, and if you find it in Houston that is, e-mail me ASAP.
God I wish I had something constructive to write. Lets face it I would rather be anywhere else at this moment. So anyways, I'll post something worth reading soon.. I hope.
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....
But they did put some PIEBALD on.. which I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or laugh. I could only think at a times how much fun I had when I went to see them with Jealous Sound with Russell... I fell in love with piebald from the first song. Then I thought how much DJ would hate this music.
I enjoyed every minute to be honest.
Outside of that, not much is going on. The Pearl is acting up on me. So I've been driving the jeep (i'm thinking of calling it gunner... I mean name the Pearl.. can't leave the Jeep out.) My dad wants to drop the Pearl's tank.. I think, given the problem relates to a gas gage thingy... yep I know cars *rolls eyes*
I want to go see Finding NeverLand.... but I have diner plans with DJ that involve other couples... one married and one engaged.. yeah this should be entertaining. And it's not like you can catch a late showing. In Houston the only showing anywhere is at 7:30.. it's playing at about a half a dozen cinemas around town, but all only 7:30 showings. So I'll have to catch it Sunday or some time during the week after work... of god I'm rambling.
So seriously where Movies are concerned, if you haven't seen the Incredibles get off your ass and go see it. It is one of the most breathtaking movies I have seen in a long time. It's positively sunning.. so go see it, then hurry back and comment on how right I am and just how much it really rocks. It was brought to life by the same man responsible for the Iron Giant. Brad Bird. You can read all about it in the new issue of Disney Magazine (winter 2004 - 2005) - and that's the DISNEY MAGAZINE.. not the Adventures. If you love animation, I highly suggest picking up an issue. Oooh, Disney and if you can find it TOON MAGAZINE.. if you find toon, and if you find it in Houston that is, e-mail me ASAP.
God I wish I had something constructive to write. Lets face it I would rather be anywhere else at this moment. So anyways, I'll post something worth reading soon.. I hope.
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Peek - A - Look
Clikc On the Title Or...
CLICK HERE
Then read up!
It can be your inside peek into some of the world I've spent the past month or so visiting!
I'm still a newbie... but I plan to change most of that. Some of the pepole I hang with and/or camp near by are mentioned.. like FireStone and his Father Satan. Both really cool guys. Read up, check it out... saddly I wasn't there that weekend. *sighs* But I doubt I miss even a single weekend next year.. and I hope not to miss a moment of Excalibur.. but it might me harder. Someday I'll be a rennie.. or something closely related... of course I'm a lone Pirate when you look at the group I stick near. But oh well... adds to the mistery. ^_^
CLICK HERE
Then read up!
It can be your inside peek into some of the world I've spent the past month or so visiting!
I'm still a newbie... but I plan to change most of that. Some of the pepole I hang with and/or camp near by are mentioned.. like FireStone and his Father Satan. Both really cool guys. Read up, check it out... saddly I wasn't there that weekend. *sighs* But I doubt I miss even a single weekend next year.. and I hope not to miss a moment of Excalibur.. but it might me harder. Someday I'll be a rennie.. or something closely related... of course I'm a lone Pirate when you look at the group I stick near. But oh well... adds to the mistery. ^_^
Oh Me GOSH! (11/16/04)
Wow, so I haven't posted in like almost 2 weeks now, right?
Gosh, where does a girl begin? How about with the new job!
Yes last week I quite working with the Bus Barn, and after a really, really F***ing awesome weekend out at Ren Fest - the last weekend by the way - started my new job at.. well at a company that sales to many many other companys.. mostly welding stuff. Making about a buck more an hour, for the first 90 days, but it's 40 hours + mild over time. So Boom Baby! It's mind numbing Office Work, but I L-O-V-E it! And the very best part is; I run no risk of being bit!
Now before I get onto anything else; I am sooo sorrry to everyone. Switching Jobs, keeping up with day to day life - well I have no time for life. Other people I know with Blogs - Haven't even had time to check on them, don't have time now - and I used to read some religiously. And groups... oh yeah, if you reading this and your from groups... so sorry. Maybe one day I can return... at least ya'll know I'm still alive.... I think I am.
Weekend before last - Spent Friday night with M. Saw the Incredibles (Best PIXAR Movie ever) Went to Ren Fest with M Saturday... Old Boyfriend met new Boy Friend - yeah that's enough of that.Stayed back at Ren Fest Saturday night, with the new BF, DJ. Sunday came home and actually went out to Diner and a Movie (The Incredibles again) with DJ's mom - really cool and down to earth.
During the week that followed... well Got a new job, quit the old. Roller Coster of all sorts of fun. Still have dozens of phone calls to make.
This last weekend - Last Renaissance Festival Weekend. So of course DJ and I hit it an hit hard... sort of. He didn't get off work to kind of late.. and Friday night was kind of cold, so we stayed back in Houston and left early.. I use that term loosely... early Saturday. Ended up actually blowing up the airbed and folding down the back of his Land Cruiser and just sleeping in the vehicle all night. Stayed nice and toasty warm all night long, and actually went into the fest again Sunday. All so short, but so entirely sweet :] I can't wait for Excalibur Fest this coming Spring.
Ok, so today on a local radio station they were talking about how Married Men are more likely to hit on Women then Single Men. And Women were calling up left and right to confirm this, with all sorts of stories. The callin's and e-mails went on forever so it seemed. Honestly it's enough to make a girl never ever want to settle down. That and order back ground checks on every guy she comes in any romantic contact with.
See that's the down'ish side to my work place. The two girls who control the radio have it split; Either it's little known rock bands - that just bore me to death, or it's 104 stuff, like the R&B and Pop, with Alternative undertones. I really don't know if I feel more like picking up the new Destiny's Child CD or an Underground Revolution of Rock.And just as luck would have it, the songs that get stuck in my head are not the whiney rock, but rather then R&B - the new Destiny's Child hit, Can you Keep up.. or Baby Boy.. or whatever it's called has been rolling around my head all day. The really bad thing is, I think it's geared to inspire a change in you dance life, but really only drives me to reinvent or excite my ... well under the satin sheets life. Which may not bee a bad thing.. Just used to getting that vibe from The Scorpions or AcDc.. not really Destiny's Child or the Black Eyed Peas... but oh well.
Speaking of things of similar names. Black Eyed Pea.. the restaurant this time, not the group. Served me the worst meal I have ever had in my life. It was simply awful. Made me so sick that I spent the rest of Diner at Jason's Deli watching Jonesy eat, while I slowly sipped Sprite and sucked down a peppermint. I can only hope it was simply a bad night or bad location - I hate to think the other branches have really fallen to such low standards.
That's all for now...
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On.....
Gosh, where does a girl begin? How about with the new job!
Yes last week I quite working with the Bus Barn, and after a really, really F***ing awesome weekend out at Ren Fest - the last weekend by the way - started my new job at.. well at a company that sales to many many other companys.. mostly welding stuff. Making about a buck more an hour, for the first 90 days, but it's 40 hours + mild over time. So Boom Baby! It's mind numbing Office Work, but I L-O-V-E it! And the very best part is; I run no risk of being bit!
Now before I get onto anything else; I am sooo sorrry to everyone. Switching Jobs, keeping up with day to day life - well I have no time for life. Other people I know with Blogs - Haven't even had time to check on them, don't have time now - and I used to read some religiously. And groups... oh yeah, if you reading this and your from groups... so sorry. Maybe one day I can return... at least ya'll know I'm still alive.... I think I am.
Weekend before last - Spent Friday night with M. Saw the Incredibles (Best PIXAR Movie ever) Went to Ren Fest with M Saturday... Old Boyfriend met new Boy Friend - yeah that's enough of that.Stayed back at Ren Fest Saturday night, with the new BF, DJ. Sunday came home and actually went out to Diner and a Movie (The Incredibles again) with DJ's mom - really cool and down to earth.
During the week that followed... well Got a new job, quit the old. Roller Coster of all sorts of fun. Still have dozens of phone calls to make.
This last weekend - Last Renaissance Festival Weekend. So of course DJ and I hit it an hit hard... sort of. He didn't get off work to kind of late.. and Friday night was kind of cold, so we stayed back in Houston and left early.. I use that term loosely... early Saturday. Ended up actually blowing up the airbed and folding down the back of his Land Cruiser and just sleeping in the vehicle all night. Stayed nice and toasty warm all night long, and actually went into the fest again Sunday. All so short, but so entirely sweet :] I can't wait for Excalibur Fest this coming Spring.
Ok, so today on a local radio station they were talking about how Married Men are more likely to hit on Women then Single Men. And Women were calling up left and right to confirm this, with all sorts of stories. The callin's and e-mails went on forever so it seemed. Honestly it's enough to make a girl never ever want to settle down. That and order back ground checks on every guy she comes in any romantic contact with.
See that's the down'ish side to my work place. The two girls who control the radio have it split; Either it's little known rock bands - that just bore me to death, or it's 104 stuff, like the R&B and Pop, with Alternative undertones. I really don't know if I feel more like picking up the new Destiny's Child CD or an Underground Revolution of Rock.And just as luck would have it, the songs that get stuck in my head are not the whiney rock, but rather then R&B - the new Destiny's Child hit, Can you Keep up.. or Baby Boy.. or whatever it's called has been rolling around my head all day. The really bad thing is, I think it's geared to inspire a change in you dance life, but really only drives me to reinvent or excite my ... well under the satin sheets life. Which may not bee a bad thing.. Just used to getting that vibe from The Scorpions or AcDc.. not really Destiny's Child or the Black Eyed Peas... but oh well.
Speaking of things of similar names. Black Eyed Pea.. the restaurant this time, not the group. Served me the worst meal I have ever had in my life. It was simply awful. Made me so sick that I spent the rest of Diner at Jason's Deli watching Jonesy eat, while I slowly sipped Sprite and sucked down a peppermint. I can only hope it was simply a bad night or bad location - I hate to think the other branches have really fallen to such low standards.
That's all for now...
Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On.....
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Pirates and Ninjas (11/3/2004)
Dial Up Sucks So Much...
Ok quick run by'sFirst off. Way To Go BUSH! Yes I know, neither Bush Or Kerry are ideal choices, as well both have made fair shares of mistakes and so on and so forth, but I have always felt Bush is the lesser of the Evils, well I keep that level of enthusiasm low for the civil debates - on more personal heated debates, well.. a bit different. I also know I said before I'm laying off politics on this thing. And you'll be happy to know I'm not about to go back on that much, I'm going to step around it carefully, but this is the big one so - deal. And again, Wahooo!
Second, this past weekend.. well it was odd. And Drama everywhere! Just enough to inspire me to bite the bullet and present the following; Yes I am dating again - yes it's hard. I love Russell so much - I'm so not ready for this. Currently I'm seeing DJ/Donovan on a slightly more then friends level. We actually started dating a bit over a month ago.. in truths, I really began, mostly due to the fact that I really needed a distraction. Some how he's stuck it through, wants to keep it up - I can't promise for how long, hell it could end tonight. Like I said I'm really not ready for this and it shows, but again he knows this, I know this. He some how ended up in this position back when I still really wasn't in the mind set for looking and he's stuck it out - so There.I still miss and love Russell dearly - and yeah to personal for the blog, but it's not about to go ignored.
Third, No job as of yet. *sighs* Maybe still with Target, but no word as of yet...
Fourth, at last check I'm going to see The Incredibles with M, Friday night. Then off to Ren Fest for Saturday, again with M, but I know I'll run into DJ, and Satan (long story) and all the other cool campers lounging around the festivities as they have and do and will always for as long as the Ren Fest stands. Sunday is still up in the air.
I also saw .. well "SAW" and that new Ben Afflek x-mas movie. More on both later. All I can say is Good To See Carrie Elways back in the movies. Not exactly the Dread Pirate Roberts, but I'm a fan for life.
Ok quick run by'sFirst off. Way To Go BUSH! Yes I know, neither Bush Or Kerry are ideal choices, as well both have made fair shares of mistakes and so on and so forth, but I have always felt Bush is the lesser of the Evils, well I keep that level of enthusiasm low for the civil debates - on more personal heated debates, well.. a bit different. I also know I said before I'm laying off politics on this thing. And you'll be happy to know I'm not about to go back on that much, I'm going to step around it carefully, but this is the big one so - deal. And again, Wahooo!
Second, this past weekend.. well it was odd. And Drama everywhere! Just enough to inspire me to bite the bullet and present the following; Yes I am dating again - yes it's hard. I love Russell so much - I'm so not ready for this. Currently I'm seeing DJ/Donovan on a slightly more then friends level. We actually started dating a bit over a month ago.. in truths, I really began, mostly due to the fact that I really needed a distraction. Some how he's stuck it through, wants to keep it up - I can't promise for how long, hell it could end tonight. Like I said I'm really not ready for this and it shows, but again he knows this, I know this. He some how ended up in this position back when I still really wasn't in the mind set for looking and he's stuck it out - so There.I still miss and love Russell dearly - and yeah to personal for the blog, but it's not about to go ignored.
Third, No job as of yet. *sighs* Maybe still with Target, but no word as of yet...
Fourth, at last check I'm going to see The Incredibles with M, Friday night. Then off to Ren Fest for Saturday, again with M, but I know I'll run into DJ, and Satan (long story) and all the other cool campers lounging around the festivities as they have and do and will always for as long as the Ren Fest stands. Sunday is still up in the air.
I also saw .. well "SAW" and that new Ben Afflek x-mas movie. More on both later. All I can say is Good To See Carrie Elways back in the movies. Not exactly the Dread Pirate Roberts, but I'm a fan for life.
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