how i feel right now (10/1704)

This is one hell-of-a weekend.
I can't sketch - I try, but nothing is coming out right, something is lost in translation between my mind, my wrist and the paper.
I can't ink - the only ink and pen that I have to use.. well without allot of cleaning and so on a so forth and refills that I don't have... is a set that I really don't know how to use and it's indian ink, and honestly I don't know if my stomach can handle the scent for an extended amount of time.
I'm sure I could write... Though given the roll I'm on so far? - come to think of it.. This will probably suck.
Everyone I know is away. Well in the idea that my weekend plans have been canceled. And it's probably for the best because my pay check isn't exactly what - well things in that area aren't turning out how I expected them too. I'll survive. I always do *sighs*

So alone today.. most of it.. mostly tonight. The waves are hitting hard, and honestly I feel like I'm slowly drowning. It's not a woe-is-me kind of thing, more just when your alone in your room and there is country music playing through your radio - and yes, it is the better choice, rock and alternative and mix and such is far worse all things considered - Your about to lose it with your once-upon-a-time artistic abilities, and your surrounded by tiny reminders.. hell screw the reminders, the first half should be enough, you start to remember things, You start to remember life.. well happiness.. I s'pose you never really forget life as long as your living. I guess it doesn't help that I have misplaced my ring... long story, but some of you already know. I hardly feel it when it's there, I hardly feel it when it's gone, but when I glance down and it doesn't catch my eye, it almost starts a chain reaction. I feel incomplete as it stands alone. More so not knowing where that tiny piece of silver - I think that's what it's made of - is laying.

So the waves come. I'm still stuck at a point where I'm just cried out. Yet the feelings are there, the thoughts just a strong... I really don't know why I'm writing all this. I probably shouldn't, but this is my life, this is my journal. And considering everything else that has been going on in my life - this is nothing. This is just me, no one else. Waves.

obviously I miss him. I'll always miss him.

I'm probably going out to the grave tomorrow. I ordered something online for the tree near by the site, and it came in last week. So it's important that I get out there and hang it up. The grave doesn't actually bother me, I think it actually chokes me more when I'm driving and I drive past on the the 'Cross Streets' ... that gets me. I still can't drive past river oaks and keep the flow of conversation going. - So that's what's on the list for tomorrow.

oh and by the way... Go Astros

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On...