It's late, I should be asleep right now, I have to get up early and work for a twisted group of people, all to earn a few lousy bucks. It's a job, it'll do for now. I'm 21, and this may not be the most confused I've ever been about life, but it's making the top ten. Two other times being once when I as about 13 before I realized what real writing was, working hard on my art, only to realize my talents were rather halfassed, in every area - from penciling to sinning. One of the other times, being of course when I lost Russell... now, is not near as dramatic as the first two, but you get the idea.
I was sitting back watching an interview with one of the guys from the Invisible Children documentary, and I think it's wonderful that it's causing a bit of a revolution in today's youth, Christian and non Christian alike. But I also recall the fact that a young boy was killed by a stray bullet, not to far from where Russell died. It's annoying to think, that slowly, but surely you can change Africa, but you can't change the north west side of Houston. I mean yeah sure, it'll change, everything changes, but in Africa it's a cause, Here on the home front, it's just time.
Now, a bit closer to home, I'm about to quite one job, to work again for KISD. Yeah, that again. At least it's stable, talk about full circles. I'm keeping the Three For One job until probably Christmas eve, so I can go see my cousins up north and not have to worry with getting back by some unreasonable deadline. As far as a two year plan, well still looking into Cosmetology schools, but also I've been reading up on the Air Force reserves. Someone suggested it to me years ago, over 4 years now to be exact... maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Just a back burner thought. Just because I can't find a useful meaning for my life, does not mean someone else can't.
I'm also starting to regain a bit more courage where guys are concerned. At least I think I am, Nik seems to think other wise. I guess only time will tell there too.
I just want to be happy.... I mean I know I am where I'm supposed to be... I just thought being just over a month away from my 22 birth day, that maybe I'd at least be engaged by now... So that leaves me with 8 years to fall in love, get married and have a kid.... or any of those three in any order. In theory that should be no problem. But I hear it get harder as you get older.... This isn't a mid life crisis at all, or even a pre - crisis.... I'm saving that for 45. Just some quite concerns I'm working on for 25 and 30.
I need a little direction, maybe a Sign... any time now would be just great.
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