I'm looking at four pictures tonight and thinking about five pictures. Nikole, Cindy (Jonesy) and I were all sitting around digging through old picture boxes in search of not only our Younger Years, but the younger years of Russell and James and the rest of his crew and came across a small treasure I believed to be lost forever. A small folder with pictures taken by Russell in it. I don't have a scanner but I'll go ahead and describe the five pictures.
The first picture I'm looking at is of Cindy and I inside The Black Pearl (passed around pick up truck). Our hair styles are messy, our clothing casual, and the flash was just to bright. Out in the K-Mart parking lot. I'm leaning against Cindy, both of us facing the camera. She has her Tongue out licking the side of my forehead (eek!). I like this picture for two reasons. One, because it was a golden moment. Our first double date with Her and James and Russell and I, it's the only picture I have of us - not taken at her wedding. John was still a promising young hope inside her womb, and no matter how stupid we looked, we would never be more beautiful then we were at that moment, because our dreams had come true - we had both found happiness and that night we were all together. The second reason is because it reminds me of another picture, one I don't have right infront of me, but It's one of Russell and the 'Alpha Pirate' - J.S. Standing next to each other.. One with their tongue out and one with that look on their face. Practically brothers in a moment they would probably never forget. One of my favored pics of Russell even because it reminds me of Cindy and I in many ways.
The next photo is of James , down on the ground, same parking lot, same night. tie'ing a pulling rope up to the pearl. That night he was Commodore James - as we jokingly called him. He instead on the fact he would not let the night end without towing the pearl, with his own vessel ( ford pick up truck). Cindy and I watched that night as James in his 'Ship' pulled Russell in his. And we both stood their wondering how long it would take before the recked one or the other.
The next one, is of me sitting on my bed. In my room - one of the few pictures that were taken in my room before we repainted my house for quick sale. My room when it was still mine. Me on my bed, in my 'Pirate chasing Booty' baseball shirt, 120 pounds and never happier with my life. Loved my job.. Loved my guy... Loved my body.. Loved my talents... Loved my mind... Loved everything about me and all I had to look forward too... No truer words ever spoken. That night the unthinkable happened, Russell told me he loved me. And I said I loved him.. I don't think anyone ever thought he'd actually say it first.....
The final picture, when I first saw it, I thought it was a picture of Russell and his ex Locking lips... Until I recognized my Grandmothers doll in the background.. My book case.. My wall... Me! A picture of him and eyes in a messy looking but true kiss, Words can not describe the emotions that brings up in me.
It's been a long hard year and more. I miss him and I'm actually finally healing myself again. Taking someone's advice.. Be Better. I know now there is a possibility I may never have that again with anyone else.. I may never even have half of that with anyone else.. but That's ok. I had it at one time - a great deal of people can't even make that claim. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with out love - but even if I do, at least I know once in my life I was so lucky to have lived greatly and loved greatly - no matter how great the loss. I was blessed if only for just over a month.
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That very same one.. one day I'll scan the other and put them up side by side - I think it's cool. In that imagine that sort of way.
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