Get back to where you once belonged.

I realized today that no one I know, or even remotely care about has any idea of who or what I am.

So my fault, I mean I've had a bad year - that's not an excuse, just a factor. I joke around and no I'm paying for it. I mean a drunk, 'experienced', and of light devotion are all words and phrases I would have never used to describe myself. I personally view myself to be allot like Constatine, with a slight influence of Samantha from Sex in the City. But it seems people see me a more of a Samantha with a heavy Miss Cleo influence. I know, totally not me at all.... I hope.

I'm a Capricorn, so right off - I know myself. And my outline of who I am above is very accurate from all my ruling perspectives.

I'm like Constaine in the sense that I'm of very neutral ambitions. While at the same time my reasoning and drive are so far unrelated to most around me that I feel very little need to go into analyzing or displaying myself to others. In my studies I am reclusive. And I'm not about to say I'm an expert, far from it, but I know my shit. This is my kung foo and it is strong. I spent my childhood as a niece of a man who mastered in Theology, I studied right along side my parents, guided by some well credited men. I was part of Katy Bible church for years, baptized by McDonald him self (no jokes). When it comes to all the strange Metaphysics, I had very skilled teachers guiding me along. I have forgotten more about the world outside our own then most of my friends put together will ever know (at least at this point). And in the house where I was raised so much of everything was part of every day life that I consider it second hand, and forget how unique my rendering has been. Possibly why I have such a hard time with people.

And yeah I'm a nerd. I mean just about anything odd you can learn about religion you can learn from the right comic book collections. But hey, even Gene Simmons used spiderman comics when he taught. The Davinci (sp? for now) Code has nothing on Warren Ellis and Neil Gamin.

So anyways, after finding all of this out today, and knowing it's views held by people I actually care about, really has me turning around and rethinking my summer planning. I'm slowly getting back into art, but It wouldn't hurt to speed that up. Hit the study books again - get back to where I was. Back to the person I am. I'm making some good friends here, and they deserve to know who I really am. And if for all of this, or even for nothing else.... simply to show those who view me as the above, can be put to place and realize that nothing about me is surface.

Yeah, in the end when it comes to having fun, i would like o be the Samantha in my own personal group, back in high school I was very much a Chandler. I mean everyone wants to be the cool and confident one, and when I'm in my circle of friends I can somewhat be that, more so as we all grow more familiar with each other and the ways of our own personalities, when I'm with people I trust I can be cool and confident. But in real life where the rest of the world is concerned, I'm a reclusive, with a bit of mystery and a hint of nerd, with an odd taste in fashion.

Spiral out.... Whatever Tomorrow Brings...... Wave On.....