The Gambler and The Drinker

This is the worst time for me to be posting. I'm sure I'm gonna say something I will end up regretting later, but my stomachs empty because I haven't eaten yet, My knees are scraped up because I fell over in a cabinet setting trying to clear the next remodeling spot in the kitchen, I have yet to hear back from anyone about a job and unexpected company just... well unexpected for me, I think I might just kill (figurtively of course) DJ if I later find out that the company was expected and I was never told... Just stopped by to help out. The help is mildly appreciated after three days of working straight through on the house. Never the less, despite the fact that I almost never shriek like a girl (IE: When I fell today in the kitchen, not a peep slipped my lips - to busy trying to react in hopes of making the fall as painless as possible.) And despite the fact that I don't Scrap Book and take part in many other girly hobbies - Despite all of this I am still a Girl, and Girls - most girls hate to be left in the dark on things like company drop in's.

Ok, maybe I am over reacting, and no I'm not using this as a 'safe note' anyone. I'm just venting. Honestly I feel like awful, my life recently has birthed a light depression - no one can blame me after a close examination of my life. Over all I'm not upset about the drop in or anything else that has occurred, I'm just weary of what's next. When it all comes down to it - I simply would rather be given a heads-up and deal with the communication issue later after the fact, then have no warning at all and become blindsided.

Still on top of all else, I feel like I'm gambling my time and energy and so much more into the chance of maybe coming through all of this and having won or earned a place to call my own sanctuary - but the stakes are only getting higher and the game is more and more looking like Russian Roulette then Black Jack - card counting wont help ya here.

Bottom line, I need something stable to rely on. And sure I have my family. But understandably so I really don't want to have to go home and start over... Pride can be a good thing sometimes. I need something stable to rely on and this world that surrounds me, I just don't have that. I know all I really need to do is trust, but that's bitten me in the ass before many times.. maybe all I need to do is have Faith, I'm trying - but it's not an over night thing. So I'm working. And it's a gamble...

When I was younger, back in JR High and High School, Jonesy and I used to plan out our trips to New Orleans, She always planed to Gamble - I always planed to Drink. The Gambler and The Drinker... a wonderful pair.

It's funny how even back then She and I always knew the roles we were meant to play.


Spiral Out, Whatever Tomorrow Brings and Wave On

Cheers Darlings'