Three Hours Of Life I don't Remember

I guess I can start by saying that a mild sleeping pill, A small swig of rum and compilicated and complex conversation is not as good of a mix as few of may think it might be. The result for me last night came out to falling asleep around 3:30 am, being woken up I guess around 5:45 am and I know I went to work, but how I got there or how much really transpired of my morning run.. well all that I really can't answer for. I do recall some stuff the driver and I talked about. But then again?

Sometime after I returned home from my morning run, Jonesy called me; small talk really. I guess I sounded tired can't imagine why, because I remember hanging up and about, well lets shoot for 5 to 15 minutes later, she calls back. She called upon me asking if I could give her a ride up to the hospital to see Lil'John. And like I have always told my closest friends & family, Jonesy especially above most others, if they call upon me - No Matter What The Reason (though I ask if they could keep in it in some reason) I will drop everything, put my world on hold for them. I have promised others and of course Her this time and time again. After all, I can be a bit of a recluse, and 'We' don't always make the best best friends. So I make and try with every ounce of my being to keep that promise. Least I could do. So anyways She called me, she tells me roughly what's going on and at that moment there is still a chance that I can run her up there and get back in time for work - I knew I wouldn't. I mean I'm not about to Rush there only to Rush back. So "I" Called in. Now I wasn't exactly sure sure what was the reason in full for the venture - and I was a bit of a nervous wreck while driving to her house. That was quickly remedied... We eventually arrive at the Hospital - which by the way I now loath Memorial rd (or ln or pkwy or whatever it is) with furry and reason - We arrive and her husband had already made it there, honestly our time was pretty sad - Thanks Houston. And I finally meet Lil'John.
All of a sudden I could not breath. I mean maybe brought to a complete stop, but despite the outside , on the inside - It's strange. The entire way there, though I kept up conversation, the paramount feature in my mind was getting Jonesy to his side in good time. I didn't want to let her down - I can count how many times she has really called on me on one hand. I think I've lost count how many times she's been there for me, called upon or not. Still I got there and... and I don't really know what my first reaction was. I will say it was silent.
I watched Lil'John's hand hold on to his Father's finger and I watch Jonesy and her life. I can't say really why, but by the time I left - I had been waved by three main emotions; a humbled feeling (I know that's not really an emotion, but it's what I felt) and I secondly felt Scared. Not in a frightened of paranoid - heart pumping sort of way. And finally a Soft Envy. Not a jealousy in any way. I'm so happy for her, despite how things have come about for her. Those three emotions plus a long ride home (I'm already missing work, no rush) equal a sense being lost. Which relays and reinforces that hallow feeling I've been walking around with for roughly about 50 days now - twice over sense last week.
I'm just so happy for her. She had worked hard and over come some odds and faced her deserts (like we all have) in the past to reach this point. Obviously she has another wide desert to cross, but I know she will, I know they will. On certain levels she's a far stronger person then I am. So I'm happy for her and I hold that soft envy. May I be so blessed one day.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out... Wave On....