It's All About The Reasons...

First Thing First...
If You Read This Stuff Long Enough (this stuff: my rants) Your will find I have tendencies to contradict myself. But I promise each and everyone of anyone who may actually read this one day that if you stick around long enough and read carefully, In the end - Before it is all over everything will fall straight. I refuse to die a hypocrite!  Now With That Said, Moving On..
 
Anyone who really, truly knows anything about me, knows that my life hasn't always been the box of chocolates. Of course on that same term... Who's Has? And for anyone who knows two pennies worth on astrology, knows that my birthday, January Nineteenth - well I really should have seen most of everything coming. Silly me for letting anything blindside me anymore. AND anyone who knows me, and I mean really, really knows me - Past the bone marrow into the soul knows me... And to clear this part up, I can count on one hand the number of people who do... Knows that not only has my life been a test of Faith time and time again, but it's a test that I have come through on time and time again. Though I will admit, it's taken time, but as I get older, I find it much easier to come through. Mostly due to the fact that as I get older, my thirst for study has become dryer with each day and there for it requires more knowledge to quench it.
 
Anyways, What I'm really getting at here is this.. Like I've mentioned, I have recently (yet again) Lost someone who in so little time not only changed my world, but someone who I fell deeply in Love with. Someone who touched the lives of countless others, a true masterpiece of any creators work. A Man like no other. A man who was taken by a very stupid, senseless act of violence. Over roughly about 20 to 40 dollars and a cell phone. BEFORE he died, a question came into my mind, a really big WHAT IF?, but a very coviceable, possible what if.  I want so badly to type right now what that question is, but I can't, not yet. But when I know for sure, it will be up here in bold!
So - Now, The problem I'm having - and this is where the rants about FAITH come in - Is that due to the nature of the question and the confusing and frustrating ways our bodies work and the very, very mysterious ways 'The Power (s)' work (If you believe in God or that sort of thing) I'm am stuck in a place, in a space of time where I wont know anything for sure, Set In Solid Stone, for another 10 days or so. Now I'm a very patient person, 10 more days under normal circumstances can simply be a cake walk, but these are not normal circumstances. Let Me Break This Down For You....
The Majority of the population agrees, one door dose not shut with out another opening. The next 10 days will pass and after words a question will be answered. If The answer begins with a 'P', it will come as one of the greatest gifts of this year to what is only a small handful of people, but these people make up my universe and this is still my page. More so in the light of such a recent tragedy - the flowers are still on his grave. Plus it would be the grand and final bow-out for a man, who did everything - I mean eat, sleeped, lived and breathed STYLE! But if the answer begins with an 'N', Most see it as no harm, no foul. Most don't even know the question exists. So really what you don't know, wont hurt you kind of case. But for me it leaves me still searching for that 'Opened Door'. I've learned from past experinces, to Never ask Why. If you are a person who believes in the Bible (which I am) and hold very strong convictions of faith (which I do), then you know it's wise not to ask why, because if we do and if we actually get an answer back, so long as we live and breathe here, the answer may/will never be good enough. Just stand back, accept  what happens to you and keep looking for the open door, taking on the waves - Wave On. NOW  the problem I'm having here, is I'm not asking why, I'm keeping my Faith - but when someone asks me why I am keeping this faith, I'm left with out very many reasons, as to why. At least nothing earth shattering, nothing more then the obvious, no special story to tell those who are looking for that one story. I have not one personal tool to witness with.
So Over The Next Ten Days, I'm TORTURED With The Simple Phrase - WHY NOT?
 
In the End, I Know I'll Have My Reasons...
But for now; I'm miss him so much... I'm voided, waiting on further purpose... I found my life, just in time to watch it and hold it as the soul faded from it... I loved him so much... I still love him...
 
It comes in waves
Whatever tomorrow Brings... Spiral Out.... Wave On.
 
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